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I couldn't breathe.
If I couldn’t get my head out of the bucket, I was going to drown. I tried to scream again this time no sound came out. My lungs burned, and I started choking.
Suddenly, I pushed myself up with ease. I was no longer drowning; I wasn’t even wet. Except for my hands, something warm trickled over them. I looked down, and they were covered in so much blood.
I could see my own body. I was hovering above myself and I watched as I ruthlessly cracked his skull open, pounding a rock against his skull over and over again. Both of us screamed, the me that was watching, and the me that was doing. I was trapped watching. I couldn’t stop. I was trapped in a loop, frozen in place, watching myself kill someone in cold blood.
A sickening feeling gripped my insides. Something was not right.
I watched myself scramble up knowing, something was not right.
In horror, I then saw the man's face.
It was Mason.
Someone was shouting in the distance. I couldn’t hear them. All I could hear in my own ears was you killed him, you killed him; you killed him.
I had killed Mason. I had killed the love of my life.
Hands gripped my shoulders. I couldn’t get away. Someone was coming for me. I screamed.
I looked down at his blood all over my hands. I couldn’t get it off me. I wiped it on my pants over and over again, but more just appeared. It was sticky, coating my skin, making me itchy and sick.
“EMMA!” I heard my name, again and again.
I stared down at my hands and then back at a lifeless Mason, and I crumpled to the ground in devastation.
Ihad killed the love of my life. What had I done?
Someone was shaking me.
“WAKE UP!” It was dark, and I jostled as someone gripped my shoulders.
Finally, I came back into my body, my eyes flicked open and I screamed as panic bolted through me, registering a dark shadow looming over me.
“Emma, it’s Mason!”
I panted, and it slowly came back to me, where I was, who I was with.
“You’re just dreaming.” He said, his voice shifted, softer, controlled, commanding, gentle. “I’ve got you now. You were just dreaming, baby.” I felt this hand stroke over my head gingerly.
My eyes adjusted to the darkness, and I began to make out the sharp outline of Mason’s jaw that was hovering over me. “Mason?” I breathed. The words were nearly inaudible. I reached up and searched his face with my hand. His stubble, another reassuring detail of what was real. “You were dead.” My words came out strange sounding, strangled almost. “You were dead.” The words came out in a sharp sob, and I collapsed against his bare chest. His arms crushed me to him. The pressure of his arms around me was the only sensation I could feel in my body. His touch a welcome balm as my limbs trembled, buzzing with numbness, while my stomach rolled with nausea.
I sobbed against him, the sounds in and of themself, terrifying as they clawed their way out of me. “I’m right here.” He whispered against my ear. The heat of his breath sent warmth to my core. “And you’re right here. In this room, with me. Nothing bad is happening.” He stroked my face as I gulped deep breaths. “That’s it, just breathe.”
And slowly I did, slowly I started to come back into my body. I felt his hard chest against my skin, and with each deep calming breath he took, I slowly synced my own breathing up with his, taking long, full breaths.
The dream had felt so real. Real memories mixed with lies creating horrifying nightmares of alternate realities. I felt lost at sea, unsure of what was real as I lay here in the darkness. The only thing bringing me back to reality was Mason’s body pressed against my own. Real. Here with me.
“I killed you.” I whispered, feeling a hot tear streak down my cheek.
“I'm right here.” He hummed, and I devoured the feeling of his deep baritone voice as it vibrated through my body. His arms were still tightly wound around me, but he pulled his face back enough that I could see him. He kissed where the tear had streaked down my face, his brows crinkling.
My mind still raced. It wandered back to the house, how I’d been moments away from pulling that trigger when I'd shoved the gun against the back of his neck. I wasn’t entirely sure why I hadn’t pulled the trigger in that moment. But in this moment, I was so, so grateful that I hadn't.
I didn’t know if I could trust him. I didn’t know who to trust right now. But at this moment, right here in his arms, I needed him. I needed him more than I needed air. The fear of what it would be like to lose him consumed me.
I tilted my chin up, my lips parting, and I reached for him. He was too far away, and I snaked my hands around his neck and frantically pulled his mouth to mine. My mouth crashed into his, hungry, desperate for the return of affection. His pillowy soft lips caressed mine and gently he pulled back.
