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Pressure built in my skull. “She tried. I kind of ... shut down on her.”
Connor shook his head like a disappointed father, and though I thought I couldn’t feel any lower, somehow that silent gesture did it.
“You two have a history.” He scoffed. “I’ve watched her clean up your messes more than once, and she always did it with humor and a smile on her face. You can’t tell me you’re giving up on her just because she made a mistake.”
Giving up?
The more his words rattled around inside my brain, the more it didn’t feel right. Not at all. There was nogiving upon Annie. In my mind that wasn’t even an option.
Annie had been my steadfast friend since childhood, mybestfriend for a decade. She constantly tried to remind me of my worth beyond my humor, and I’d gloss over it with another joke. Every second of my friendship with Annie came to life, and I let it play out in a painful, endless loop.
Finally I let out a frustrated breath. “I gave her the out she deserved.”
His face screwed up before he shook his head and turned around. “If you really believe that, you’re dumber than you look.”
I watched yet another friend walk away from me. As I stared at his back, self-loathing threatened to consume me. Because in the end, I was right.
I loved Annie, but I also knew I was far too broken to deserve her love in return.
THIRTY-THREE
ANNIE
“He really just... said nothing?”Kate’s sad eyes searched mine, and I could only shrug. The ache in my chest was a permanent fixture now that I had royally fucked up with my best friend. He said a lot more thannothingwhen he confessed his love in the back parking lot of the Grudge, but right now Kate and Lark were focused on me telling Lee about the letters.
The only silver lining in the whole thing was that they hadn’t totally turned their backs on me once I’d come clean about the letters.
Lark stared out onto the water, watching Penny giggle as she kicked at the waves. “And you... couldn’t just blurt it out or something?”
I knew it was hard for Lark to understand why I had let so much time pass without telling Lee I had written the letters. Saying it out loud was bad enough. “I wanted to,” I admitted. “So many times. Then, after a while, it was just something that felt too big to admit to. I was afraid.”
Kate’s hand sliced through the beachy air. “You also have to understand Margo and Lee’s role in all of this.” She turned to Lark. “Margo was special around here. The kind of girl who people would say lit up a room, or ‘That girl’s going places.’ She was practically Outtatowner royalty. But she was alsoalwaysin the middle of some kind of drama. She had a way about her that sucked you in and made it impossible to say no to her, even when youknewthat TP-ing the principal’s house in the middle of the day was probably a bad idea. When it came to Margo, no one ever said no to her.”
Lark nodded as Kate continued, “Lee and Margo were on and offforever. They were both young and dumb, and neither could get their shit together. It didn’t matter that I was younger. Even then I could see it for the disaster it was. They’d break up and make up so many times I lost count.”
Kate sighed. “When Lee joined the Army, we were all shocked.” I recalled the dread that pooled in my stomach when I had heard the news. “Before we knew it, he was gone and his Army unit was shipped overseas.”
“We were all so worried,” I added, remembering the nights I cried myself to sleep, wondering where he was and whether he was alive.
An unladylike snort came from Kate. “Mostof us were worried. Margo seemed unfazed and could bask in the attention of Outtatowner’s male population without worrying about Lee’s jealousy getting in the way.”
“Why didn’t she just break up with him?” Lark asked.
Kate’s face twisted. “And not get to revel in the attention of living a heartbreaking sob story of an Army girlfriend? Please.”
“Lee had asked her to write, but months went by and she didn’t. When I’d asked her about it, she said,Why don’t you do it?I thought she was joking. Only the idea rooted, and she wouldn’t let it go. She convinced me that it was the right thing to do. Forhim.” I shook my head. Even saying it out loud sounded stupid and childish.
“Okay, wait.” Lark popped a Twizzler in her mouth and considered. “Let’s just say... you exchange these letters and share a connection. Why not tell him after he gets home?”
“I know.” My heart sank. I knew all this, and talking about it made me feel only worse. “Margo and I got into a huge fight about it. She had sworn me to secrecy, but I was determined to tell him. She waspissedbecause the Lee who came back had changed, and she was worried I would mess things up for her.”
Kate snagged her own Twizzler from the bag. “Plus, it was only two months before she was gone. After she died, Lee went off the deep end. He clung to those letters like a lifeline and convinced himself Margo was the love of his life.” She scoffed and shook her head.
I looked out onto the water. “He was sosad. Her death was tragic and sudden, and he would say over and over how much her letters meant to him. How they were the only piece of her that he had left. It broke my heart, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him and take that away from him.”
“Jesus.” Lark shook her head.
We all sat in silence as the dumpster fire of my story hung between us. Deep shame washed over me, and I swallowed back tears.
