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But I’m barely listening to what she’s saying. Instead, I’m re-running the last two conversations I had with Amelia through my mind, looking at it from her side.
When she came into my office, and I said I already knew what she had to tell me...fuck, she thought I knew she was pregnant. And then I angrily fired her.
Of course she doesn’t trust me. Even after I explained why I really fired her, and she realized I didn’t know about the baby, I’d already made her feel like she couldn’t count on me.
She said she needed something real and reliable for the next stage in her life.
Of course she does. She’s going to be a mom. And because she’s Amelia, she’s going to put her whole heart into it.
I feel steely determination spread through every cell of my body. “She’s looking for someone who can be a good parent. I’ll convince her that’s me. I’ll show her she can trust me to be what she needs.”
Bridget and Lucinda exchange a look.
“What?” I bark.
Bridget sighs. “Look Cole, I don’t entirely understand what happened with you and Amelia. But she’s been living with you. I’m pretty sure she knows you’re a good dad. If she doesn’t trust you, I don’t think that’s why.”
Her words are kind, but firm. And, unfortunately, true.
I scrub a hand through my hair. Running all of Amelia’s words though my head. “She’s worried I’ll get sucked into more arguments with my dad. And I’ll hurt her when it happens.”
“Ah.” Bridget doesn’t bother offering false comfort. It’s one of many reasons we got divorced.
I thought if I told Amelia the whole truth about why I hated my dad so much, she would understand why I had to keep fighting him, keep beating him, in a way that Bridget never had.
But now I know that’s not enough.
I have to convince her I can let go of my need to beat my dad, so that it’s not taking over more important things in my life. Like my relationship with Amelia, our kid.
Holy fuck, our kid. We’re having a kid.
Bridget checks her watch. “I’m sorry, I have to go. It’s date night and we have reservations—”
“Go,” I assure her. “You too, Lucinda.”
Bridget gives me a brief hug. “If there was ever a time to let go of the toxic thing with your dad, this is it,” she whispers.
I nod.
For the first time in my adult life, I want to let go of my anger toward my dad. At least enough to not be driven by it.
But how can I convince Amelia that’s something I can do, when I can’t even convince myself?
Kiera takes my hand as we all head to the elevators. “When I get mad at my friends, mom and I eat ice cream, and we make a plan to fix it. We can do that for you.”
My heart’s so fucking full of love for this amazing kid. “Ok, kiddo. Ice cream it is.”
“Sometimes my friends and I have sleepovers,” Kiera suggests.
“I’ll take that into consideration.”
“A sleepover is what started this mess,” Bridget says dryly.
That shocks a laugh out of Lucinda.
There’s no denying it. My whole relationship with Amelia has been messy, from the moment she stole my coffee. But even with the mess, I wouldn’t change it.
At least, not until this week when I obliterated any trust she had in me.
