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She looked surprised. It was Holly’s idea to divorce, and I’d put up a good argument against it until I realized how important it was that she have the freedom and space to prioritize her mental health. I’d been her enabler, and as long as she was with me, it would be ten times more difficult for her to overcome her anxiety and borderline agoraphobia.
We could have merely separated for a time. I’d suggested that initially. Holly feared that the expectation of a reunion would weigh on her. She didn’t want the pressure. It took a while for me to accept that she really did need to end our marriage entirely.
It hurt like hell, and there had been times in the first six months when I’d thought, maybe someday, when she’s better…
But after a year apart, I knew in my heart that it was over. I no longer felt the same way when I spoke to her. The longing for my wife was gone. There was still an ache of loss, of course. I didn’t know if that would ever go away.
But it was a wound that had begun to heal.
“Our lives are here now,” I said. “Toby misses you, and if and when you feel up to it, I’ll bring him to visit. But we all need to focus on rebuilding our lives in a new shape.”
She nodded. “Yeah, that’s… But a fake boyfriend?”
I chuckled. “It’s temporary. Toby will have time to get used to the idea of me dating someone else, and I’ll stop getting groped at the grocery store.”
“Tell me you’re joking. The grocery store?”
“What can I say, baby? I’m a hot commodity here.”
She gave a little laugh, her face lighting up, and damn, she was beautiful when she was happy. I just wished it happened more often.
When we ended the call, I set the tablet down on the bed. “You can come in. I know you’re listening.”
Toby peeked around the doorjamb from where he’d been hovering in the hall. “Sorry.”
“I thought we talked about how the arrangement with Clark was a secret.”
“Mom doesn’t know anyone here! I thought it would make her feel better, but then…”
“It didn’t, huh?”
Toby shook his head, looking miserable. “I don’t mean to upset her like that.”
I raised an arm, and he climbed onto the bed and slunk into my embrace in a way he hadn’t for a long time. I cuddled him against me. “It’s not your fault she gets upset. This is why your mom needs time to work on herself, right? She worries a lot. She gets very stressed. Then it spills out onto other people and upsets them too. She doesn’t want that. None of us do.”
Toby nodded. “I try so hard…”
“You shouldn’t have to try, kiddo.”
He glanced up at me with gleaming eyes. “I won’t tell anyone else about Clark. I only told Mom to reassure her, but I guess it was a bad idea.” He frowned. “And I don’t talk to strangers on the Internet. I know what sex is because I’m not a baby.”
I ruffled his hair. “You’re not, but…if you have questions about it, ask me, okay? Google doesn’t always know best.”
Toby grinned. “It knows more than you most of the time.”
I jabbed him in the ribs, tickling him. “I know a lot. I know plenty. I bet Google doesn’t know your most tickly spot!”
After a good tickling match on the bed, with Toby squealing and giggling away his cloudy mood, I sent him off to dress for the day and got into the shower. Once there, my thoughts returned to the tense talk with Holly, then to the easy conversation I’d had with Clark. He was so calm, so sweet with Toby, so understanding of his moods and challenges.
I couldn’t imagine Clark lashing out—but then, he was a teacher. He probably had patience a mile long.
He was always so calm, but last night, he’d been adorably flustered each time I touched him or flirted a little. When I dropped him at his house, he’d told me not to bother walking him to his door.
“Maisie will just watch through the window,” he said with a nervous chuckle. “This way, I can just tell her the goodnight kiss happened in the car.”
I raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t take you for a liar.”
He fumbled for words, and I leaned over to kiss his cheek, stubble prickling my lips but not unpleasantly. “There. No lie needed.”
