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Today’s plan is to head to town to get all the things Mila will need to transform one of the bedrooms into a clubhouse salon. Since she’s going to need a wash sink and one of those chairs with the big dome-looking hairdryer, the trailer is needed to get it all back in one trip.
Hemlock nods once before walking off. We all watch him go, silence growing between us. I’m sure we all have a lot to say about the man, most of it questions because there’s a lot about him shrouded in darkness, but everyone is also reluctant to speak up first.
“He kind of scares me,” Oracle whispers, but his statement isn’t met with laughter.
“Me too,” I confess.
I have the utmost confidence in Kincaid. If he thinks Hemlock is the right fit for Cerberus, then I have faith in that. Our boss wouldn’t let someone dangerous around his grandchildren, and the man would never put anyone else’s kid in danger.
“I’ll go round everyone up,” I tell them before heading back inside.
Last night was no different from the nights before. Well, that’s not true. We all slept in the same room again, Mila and myself sharing a bed, only there was no cuddling. There were no opportunities to roll my hips against her warm body. There were no chances to press my lips to her skin.
Hell, we haven’t even spoken about what happened between us the night before last. It’s like by some mutual, nonverbal agreement, we aren’t discussing those things. It leaves me in a weird place because I’m not normally the type of man that wants to talk about feelings, but the silence is driving me insane at the same time.
Not once in my entire adult life have I wanted to use the wordswhat are we?I’ve never looked at a woman and stood there confused as to how to proceed. Never have I wanted to blurt feelings, or even felt emotionally involved at all. For the longest time, I thought I was broken, that part of me, the one that craved another person in any way non-sexual, wasn’t something I’ve experienced… until her.
Instead of going to the room, I head right where I know she’s going to be. Em suggested the kids stay in the nursery while we make our trip to Albuquerque. Although Mila agreed, I knew it was going to stress her out. She tossed and turned so much last night, I have no doubt she was freaking out about today.
I stand at the Dutch door, watching through the open top half. Luca and Jace are sitting at a child-sized table, sorting through a massive stack of Legos. After hearing Mila speak to them about their belongings and things being too small for Sutton to get her hands on, I now understand the reasoning behind having different areas in here separated by dividers for the different age groups.
The younger kids, including Sutton, are playing with a set of very large blocks. My daughter—it still feels weird to even think that word—is grinning, unaware of the stress her mother is feeling.
Mila stands to the side, watching Sutton while Misty speaks with her. She nods at what the older woman is saying. Misty spots me standing at the door, and somehow guides Mila closer to the front of the room.
“You’re more than welcome to come inside,” Misty offers.
I keep my feet rooted in place. Before today, coming into this room wasn’t even a consideration. I didn’t have children the last time I stood in this spot. Hell, I’ve only been here once before, and that was because Kid sent me to find Khloe.
“I was just telling Mila about the app we have for the cameras,” Misty says when she realizes I’m not quite ready to step inside.
“I don’t know why this is so hard,” Mila mutters, her eyes still planted on Sutton as she waves a bright red block in her hand, squealing with excitement. “I had to leave her with a sitter nearly every day since she was two months old.”
“It’s just a new place,” Misty says with a kind smile. She’s always so patient and kind, so much so that I’d think it was an act if I didn’t know her better. “And like I said, you can check in on them at any time. We’ll call if there are any concerns, but I don’t anticipate any. We’re having spaghetti for lunch. Naptime is right after and then we have water coloring planned afterward.”
“Look,” I say, holding my phone out.
Every one of us is required to have the app on our phones in case something happens and we need to see what is going on inside the clubhouse. Kincaid has always been adamant about keeping every one of us in the know. It prevents us from feeling alienated. We’re legitimately part of the team, and there’s very limited need-to-know-basis stuff going on.
I swipe through the different camera angles, including shots that show each of the kids.
“I think that’s a spaceship,” I say, zooming in on the Legos in Luca’s hands. “But I could be wrong.”
Mila chuckles, a depreciating sound that tells me she thinks she’s being silly for having trouble walking away.
“The SUVs are ready,” I tell her. “But if you want to just send us with a list, that would be okay too.”
She scoffs. “I’d end up with all highlights and no lowlights.”
I give her a tight-lipped smile because I have no idea what that even means.
“We better get going then.”
Mila gives our daughter one last look before opening the Dutch door and exiting the room. I feel my chest tighten when I give the boys and Sutton a quick glance.
“They’ll be fine with us,” Misty says, her voice low as if she knows I need the reassurance, too.
I wish I had a few minutes alone with Mila, and that longing only grows when she walks straight for the front door instead of needing to make a detour back to the bedroom. It’s torture being so close to her but knowing there’s a chasm of space between us.
