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He twisted around to eye the eclectic therapist, who I learned paid him rent for the isolated corner she occupied and saw patients there twice a week. She picked the two slowest mornings, and to be fair, everyone left her table seeming lighter and looking happier than when they’d come. It was odd, but no more than she was.
“She’s the best,” Joe said proudly. Beatrice also happened to be his niece. “Hey, have I steered you wrong yet?” he said at my look of apprehension.
“No, you haven’t,” I admitted reluctantly. His green eyes danced as he left me alone so he could greet an incoming customer. I sighed, the long and suffering kind, before heading over to Beatrice who read last Sunday’s newspaper over the rim of her colorful glasses. I could’ve seen anyone, could’ve afforded the best, but I was discovering that the best didn’t always come from the places you’d expect them to.
“Do you have room in your schedule for a new patient?” I asked. Beatrice folded her paper neatly before tucking it into the corner and offering me a quirky smile that somehow eased some of my hesitancy.
That first session I said nothing, and she didn’t push me for more. By the third I’d given her something she already had: my name. But the sixth appointment I’d given her the one thing I wanted.Leland.
I gave her little pieces of my past every time after, and some days the vulnerability of it all became near unbearable to sit through. On those days it felt like I’d walked out of Joe’s without a stitch of clothing on, like the whole world could see every ugly part of me.
Still, as the season rolled by, I found myself eager to get to our weekly, unconventional sessions, and once the early morning air cooled with the return of fall, I combined thoughtful fishing with my talks with Beatrice.
I couldn’t stay locked away there forever, though. I had to get back home and make things right. I had to fight for what remained of my family.
“Leaving already?” Joe asked as I entered the coffee shop.
“How did you know?”
“You’ve got a sorry look on your face. More sorry than usual. And because it’s been a long time coming,” he said.
“I need to catch my son before he permanently leaves for New York, and the tea is abysmal here,” I joked half-heartedly.
Joe fidgeted with the espresso machine as he spoke. “Well, good riddance. No more of you drinking up all my specialty and hogging up Beatrice’s time. I sure won’t miss your grumpiness at all. Not one bit. And maybe now Sarah can stop drooling over your tight behind whenever you stop by the house.” Sarah was his wife, and she said she only drooled to make him jealous.
My shoulders shook, although my laughter didn’t feel joyous. I’d miss him too. “Does that mean you and Sarah won’t house sit for me while I’m gone?” I dangled the cabin keys in front of me. “I mean, there’ll be nothing but reminders of me there. I’m sure it’ll be hard—”
“Give me those,” Joe said, snatching the keys from me and smiling at my dumbfounded expression. Who knew he could move so fast. “My platoon didn’t call me Speedy for nothing,” he said. “Don’t let the limp and crow’s-feet fool ya.”
“I wouldn’t dare,” I said.
“You come back soon, you hear? I don’t want Sarah getting spoiled living in all that house. It’ll only make dragging her home harder.”
I had no intentions of returning, at least not for more than a quick visit, and by tomorrow, Joe and Sarah would get the deed with their name on it by certified mail. Their home wasn’t equipped for Sarah’s wheelchair, and between that and Joe’s bad hip, they hadn’t seen the upstairs of their home in years. They’d had to turn their tiny den into their bedroom. I’d started on the accommodations for her months ago, knowing I would be leaving my home to them.
“Enjoy it,” I said, and he nodded, clearing the emotion from his throat before squeezing my shoulder.
“Get out of here before you change your mind. I’ve already got plans for that patio of yours.”
“Already?” I asked. “You haven’t had the keys for a full two minutes.”
“Speedy doesn’t just apply to the way I move. I think fast, too, you know.”
In many ways Joe had been like a father to me during my time in Lockwood, even keeping me company on the lake some days. All my valuable lessons started with him, and mostly by example, by the way he lived his life.
If I had to choose the most valuable of them all, though, it would be that reaching in and grabbing hold of the pain wasn’t the problem, hanging on to it once you did was what killed you slowly.
Catch and release.
Chapter 28
Franklin
Even before Selene’s passing, the estate had become a symbol of pain for me. From the years that Cole and I drifted through its halls in a fog of grief as he grew into a young man under the primary care of others, to the eventual neglect of my marriage, then my race to save my wife, to learning that saving her was out of my hands.
In the most recent years I’d welcomed that pain. I relished in the guilt and the reminders that came with not leaving this place. With not starting over.
This home was now a stranger to me, and I dropped my bags in the foyer, knowing that if I went any farther I’d run the risk of me reverting back to who I was before Lockwood. The bad voices were already tapping at my ear.
