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Kay sits on the opposite side of the bed. It takes everything I have not to reach over and touch her, wrap my hand around hers. Kiss her, taste her again, the only thing that makes all this violence worth it. The only person I ever want. Goddamn, I’m longing for those grasslands.
“If you choose me, you agree to never touch or look at Kayla again. We’ll pretend the road trip never happened. You’ll swear that you’ll let the relationship go.”
I swallow, thinking of the practicalities of seeing her around town. Maybe seeing her find another man, settle down, and have kids. She says I’m the only one for her, but she deserves love. She deserves a family. Could I stand by and watch as she did that with somebody else? I might end up killing the man.
“And if I choose her?” I say.
Ryan stares at me coldly. It’s the same way he looked when he told me about his dad, the same pain in his eyes. “You and Kayla leave town and never come back. You find somewhere to start a family together. You try to be happy and never tell your kids about me.”
“So they’ll never meet their uncle?” I roar, jolting to my feet again.
I can’t help it. I know I’m being too loud, letting the fury lead me too much. But the thought of our children never meeting Ryan, never having their uncle in their lives…
“Our children deserve to know you, Ryan. They deserve to have you in their lives.”
“So it’s true? You want kids?”
Kayla opens her mouth as if to talk, but Ryan glances at her. She closes her mouth. I catch the quick exchange. She agreed to let him do the talking, but I can see the urge to speak bubbling up in her.
“Yes,” I tell Ryan. “I never planned on any of this, but without a doubt. I want as many children with Kay as she’ll give me. I know how insane that sounds.”
“It’s stranger coming from you than from you, Kayla,” he says, turning to his sister.
“Why?” I ask.
Ryan shrugs. “I always knew Kayla had a crush on you.”
“You did?”
“It was obvious. You never noticed because you just saw her as my kid sister.”
“Of course I did,” I snarl. “What else would she be? Do you know how stunned I was when I saw her when I returned? I didn’t even think she was Kayla at first. I thought I was imagining it. I can’t explain it.”
“You’ve never really dated. You’ve never had girlfriends. You’ve never been in love.”
Kayla gasps. “Ryan!”
“It’s the truth,” I say calmly. “Before you, I didn’t think I’d ever settle down. I stopped even trying to date years ago.”
“But you risked everything for Kayla,” Ryan says. “Our friendship. Your place in the club.”
“Yes.”
“So choose, Kai,” he says fiercely. “Kayla or me. I deserve that much. You’ve been intimate with my little sister. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I deserve an honest choice.”
I walk around the bed, standing near Kay, near the door. I’m ready to punch a hole in the wall. It’s my instinct. Those forest fights… I was never allowed to cry or show anything except teeth and blood, the will to keep going, and the will to hurt and silently suffer. Then Kay came along and cracked open my heart, my hope.
“An honest choice,” I say quietly.
Ryan nods.
Don’t make me, I almost say, but he’s right. He deserves better than that. He deserves the truth.
“Kayla,” I tell him, but I can’t wait for his reaction. Turning, I push the door open and stride into the hallway. I can’t believe I just did it. I ended the best friendship I’ve ever had. There’s no going back now. There’s nowhere to run and nothing to do except ride and get away. Too many fucking demons chasing me—demons chasing demons.
“Kai, where you heading?” Jimmy calls over.
I climb onto my bike, start the engine, speed out of the lot, and down the road, kicking up dust. I don’t know where I’m heading, except it has to be away from here. It has to be away from what I just did.
