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It did help that something new and maybe a little thrilling was happening with Paxton. It wasn’t much beyond a quick lunch a couple times and sweet texts in the morning when he woke up. Dmitri didn’t have much time for anything else, but they finally managed their first real date a few days before Noah’s party. Dmitri was wrapped in his rain jacket, and his umbrella was soaked as he shook it off before entering the coffee shop by the lake.
It was nicer now that it had more space. It was one of the few places that had been given real estate after the new buildings went up, and he liked that he didn’t have to navigate through a maze of crowded, claustrophobic shelves to get a caffeine boost. He pulled his hat off and shoved it into his pocket as he came around the café corner, and Paxton was there waiting for him.
He looked underdressed for the weather, but it suited him with his tight Henley and dark jeans. He had a hat on the side of the table, and his long fingers looked pale as he lifted them in greeting. “I didn’t order yet,” Paxton said, rising as Dmitri reached the table. He reached for him, and Dmitri stepped into his grasp without really thinking twice. “You look hot.”
At that, he blushed, staring down at his scuffed shoes and jeans that were muddy at the cuffs. “I look like a mess.”
“But a hot mess,” Paxton murmured. He dipped his head in close. “I want to kiss you.”
Dmitri nearly reared back, and his throat felt a little tight because it had been a while since he’d done anything close to dating, and he had no idea what was supposed to be normal anymore. “Uh…”
“Don’t worry, not here,” Paxton said, winking as he let Dmitri go.
Something uncomfortable settled in the pit of his stomach, but he forced himself to breathe through it. It was a stark reminder that he had to tell Paxton the truth—that he was ace, that sex wasn’t something he would ever want. Not that he hadn’t spent hours thinking about it, of course. Probably more than most people—way more than was normal.
He thought about it with Raphael at first—sinking into fantasies that pushed his own limits. He let himself wonder what it would be like to be touched, and it made his stomach twist. But he let his fantasy change, thinking about it being the other way around. How his own hands might drag down Raphael’s body, how he might pull quiet gasps and heavy moans from the older man’s throat.
He couldn’t deny he actually liked that idea, that he could have a sort of power over Raphael’s body. He never once got hard, never once wanted to be touched like that himself, but there was an intimacy with two naked bodies that he craved.
With Paxton, though, he felt afraid. He felt a little bit powerless in how forward Paxton was, and it made his hands shake. Paxton was still smiling though, and Dmitri resolved to get all of it out of the way before their date went on too long.
“So,” Paxton said as they had coffees in hand, “I know it’s shit outside, but do you want to go for a walk?”
Anything sounded better than the café, so it was too easy to agree. “Sure. We can head up toward the firepits if you want. There’s no one in the cabins right now, so they won’t be occupied.”
Paxton’s brows lifted. “How do you know that?”
“Uh,” Dmitri said with a blush, “I’m going to school and training to take over for Roman.” He’d swear he’d told him this already, but the way Paxton stared at him, he doubted himself for a second.
Shaking his head, he followed Paxton outside, and they took the path to the shore that was still dotted with patches of mud. “We used to come out here in high school,” Paxton mused as they began the trek toward the docks. “Me and my friends. Were you in school with me?”
“I didn’t come back to Savannah until my sophomore year,” he said quietly. “I think you graduated already.”
Paxton sipped his coffee for a second, brows high on his forehead. “Right. Yeah. That shit with your dad? Everyone was talking about it. He was like a meth-head who beat you, right?”
Dmitri didn’t bother to hide his wince, glancing out over the water. He knew what rumors were like, how they built wild and frantic around small bits of nothing. He’d heard the whispers over the years, watching people condemn him for the sins of the man who never really loved him in the first place. And he’d watched people feel vindicated with every one of his missteps.
“Well, no,” he finally said. “No. I mean, he was an addict, but it wasn’t like that.”
Paxton offered him an apologetic smile. “No offense or anything. That’s just what people say.”
“I know what people say,” Dmitri answered quietly.
He prayed Paxton would drop it as he led the way around the edge of the dock, up the path where he had spent hours neatly stacking wood. It was trashed now, and littered with bottles and bags of fast food and empty red cups. His stomach twisted with frustration, and he dragged a hand through his hair, dislodging his hat.
“This one hundred percent looks like the shit my friends and I used to do,” Paxton said with a laugh. He flopped on one of the benches and spread his legs out. “This one year—God. My friend Chris got so fucking wasted he decided to put out the fire by pissing on it, and he slipped and fell and busted his head open. Roman was so fucking pissed when the paramedics showed up.”
“I bet,” Dmitri said, trying not to let Paxton get to him. He probably didn’t mean it—it wasn’t personal. Most kids didn’t consider what happened in the aftermath when they did stuff like that.
“That was before he was all…whatever. Disabled,” Paxton said, waving his hand.
Dmitri bristled. “He has MS, and he does just as much now as he did back then.”
With a laugh, Paxton pat the bench beside him. “I’m not trying to be rude, Dmitri. I still think he’s hot as fuck.”
Hesitating, Dmitri eventually sat, but tried to keep space between them. There were a million things to unpack about the way Paxton thought, the things he said, but he was tired. He seemed like an entirely different person to the man who had been texting him in the mornings just to say hi. This wasn’t the person who had bribed for lunch hours that met with Dmitri’s just so he could buy him a coffee.
Biting his lip, he shook his head. “I wish people treated this place better. Roman’s worked his ass off for his entire adult life to keep this place nice.”
