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“We were worried, you know?” Mom explains, looking a bit worried about my reaction now.
Dad investigated me. And I didn’t know it. How in the hell did that happen? I try to think back, searching my memory for any time there might’ve been someone surveilling me, but I can’t find any suspicious behavior. Of course, depending on how long ago it was, I might’ve been too green to notice at the time.
I’m stunned, frozen in place as my mind goes a million miles a second. They know. They’ve always known. It wasn’t some big secret they never cared enough to ask about. In fact, they cared so much they investigated me and then never said a word, respecting my silence on the matter much the way my siblings did.
Janey squeezes my thigh beneath the table, quietly supportive and maybe begging me to be okay with this.
“We were relieved when you settled into the new place. Good location, great security, and a fair amount of street footage if you ever want to sell. Shows you’ve created a solid niche market for yourself and are doing well. I’m proud of you.” Dad throws out business talk easily, but what really hits are those four words.
He’s proud of me?
What the fuck alternate universe am I living in?
Janey’s shaking my leg beneath the table to the point I’m nearly wobbling in my seat. I glance over and find her smiling maniacally. “I told you! I knew they’d be happy for you!”
She did tell me that. Several times, in fact. She saw the silver lining in my family even when all I could see were the storm clouds and lightning.
“Uh, thanks,” I tell Dad. Looking around the table at my siblings, they all seem as gobsmacked as I feel.
“So wait,” Gracie says, looking up from her pizza. “Are you like Magnum P.I., Uncle Cole? ’Cuz I like Jay Hernandez.”
“Who?” Mom asks.
“Jay Hernandez,” Gracie repeats. “He’s Magnum P.I.”
“I think you mean Tom Selleck, honey,” Mom says assuredly, and Gracie shakes her head.
“There’s been a remake, Mom,” Cameron says helpfully. “I watch it sometimes, and apparently, someone’s been watching with me when she’s supposed to be in bed.” Cameron gives his daughter a fatherly look of ‘this isn’t over’, but she doesn’t seem to notice because she’s looking at me for an answer.
“Not exactly?” I say uncertainly, but when Gracie looks disappointed, I correct myself, “But yeah, kinda, I guess.”
Mom takes a sip of her wine and casually asks, “So was this supposed to be one of those big secrets you all have, like Ira leaving the side door open? You know that I know all about that, right?”
“What?” Kayla squawks. “That was supposed to be between me and Ira!”
We look at each other in surprise and then at Mom’s innocent grin, realizing that Ira and Mom played us all. We were young and dumb, playing checkers while they were playing chess. I think we all had a ‘secret’ deal with Ira to sneak out, and meanwhile, he was sending us on our merry way and keeping our parents apprised of our every move.
Mom laughs. “I couldn’t believe you never ran into each other trying to get back before Charles’s midnight nightcap and my two a.m. potty break.”
I replay the countless times I stood outside, watching the clock and waiting for a light to shut off, signaling the coast was clear because Mom and Dad were in bed. Never once did I think they were waiting up for me or even cared that I’d snuck out. It also never occurred to me that I wasn’t the only kid sneaking out.
“How did we never run into each other?” Kayla wonders.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I never snuck out,” Chance offers.
“Of course you didn’t, Mr. Goody Two-Shoes,” Kyle teases. “You were in bed by ten every night to get your eight hours like a good boy. The rest of us had lives.”
“Shit!” I hiss, connecting more dots. “I saw Ira at the deli that time. He said he was visiting a friend.”
Dad doesn’t say anything, but I know that little smirk of a grin. I’ve made it myself when I feel like I’ve gotten away with something.
Dad knew about my work and life all these years, and Mom knew what we were up to even back when we were kids. They always knew . . . everything. And maybe they were giving me the space I made it seem like I wanted, letting me keep my ‘secrets’ and not dismissing me entirely.
This doesn’t fix everything, especially with my dad. There’s still a lifetime of asshattery on both our sides. But Janey helped fix me and my siblings, and maybe eventually, this revelation will help fix me and my parents.
“Are you talking about secrets?” Gracie asks. “Like buying me the grande java chip frabb-a-chino Dad won’t let me have?”
