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I find the woman herself at the helm. She’s changed into another set of what she was wearing yesterday—a loose white shirt with a deep V that gives a hint of her chest and a pair of fitted pants tucked into boots. She even has on the long black jacket that seems like it should be much too warm for the time of year, but I suppose it keeps her dry.
I very pointedly don’t look at her chest, at the line I traced with my tongue yesterday. “I appreciate the ride, but I’m done now.”
Maura’s brows wing up. “We’re still hours out from making port. You’re not done quite yet.”
Fool that I am, I wait for some indication that what happened between us changed anything for her. It doesn’t come. Of course it doesn’t. She’s been consistent since the moment she pulled me from the depths.
She doesn’t want me.
Not in any kind of permanent way. The future we painted together, when we were barely more than children and filled with the false assurance of our immortality, was never more than a dream. Wishing on stars as if that’s ever been enough to change someone’s fate.
Later, I’ll mourn that future we’ll never have. There’s no time right now.
“I think you’ll find that I am, in fact, quite done.” I don’t let myself pause again. One soft word from her, and I’ll let doubt creep in, dissuading me from my course. I allow myself until the count of ten to study her features, make a memory to tuck close to my heart in the years to come. “Goodbye, Maura.”
I make it down the stairs to the main deck before she’s at my back. “Juliette, what are you doing?”
“Leaving.”
“We’re still leagues offshore. A selkie or one of my crew with a specialty in water might be able to swim it, but you’re a magicless human. You’ll drown.”
I cut around the elemental users filling the sails. “Your faith in me is truly astounding.”
“Don’t say it like that.” The exasperation in her tone is so purely Maura that I almost stop, almost turn back.
It’s a lie. She’s not mine. Maybe she never was.
I reach the railing and consider how best to do this. I heard the Cwn Annwn, an old man with more nose hair than what covered his balding skull, drunkenly speak to the pretty courtier he was set on seducing.
A leap of faith, my pretty. That’s the crux of it. It’s not like portals or crossroads, where anyone with a bit of knowledge and poor luck can find and use them. You have to hold this piece of eight—yes, isn’t it unassuming—and take a leap of faith. If you’re worthy of that godsforsaken city, it will allow you entry.
Atlantis.
A city—an island—out of time and space. A crossroads to all the realms in existence, one anyone can access if they have the key and the faith that they’re worthy. I don’t know what makes a person worthy, but I have enough faith to take the leap. I don’t have another choice.
I put a foot up on the rail.
“Juliette!” Maura grabs for my arm. “I know you’re angry, but there’s no reason to be foolish.”
“I’m not being foolish.” I jerk away and propel myself up on to the railing. “Goodbye, Maura. I hope you find everything you’ve ever wanted.” I tighten my grip on the coin until my nails dig into my palm. “Goodbye.”
I shove backward, holding her gaze as I fall toward the water. My stomach lodges itself in my throat, and all I see are Maura’s green eyes, wide with shock, as the water closes over my head.
I sink a good distance, waiting for the magic to kick in. Not that I know what magic feels like, exactly. I have none of my own. But…nothing happens. What the fuck? I open my eyes and frown against the strange light overhead. Not like the dawn I just saw seconds ago.
There’s no time to process fully, though. Not with my bag dragging me down. I fight against the pull, fight my way toward the surface, but it’s quickly apparent that I perhaps misjudged things again.
I’m not the strongest swimmer, after all.
I…may have made a mistake.
A stream of bubbles appears as someone dives into the water and cuts their way down to me. I don’t need to see Maura’s furious face to recognize who it is. It’s almost enough to make me want to stop fighting the weight of my bag and let it pull me down into the deep. Better to drown than to face the humiliation waiting for me at the surface.
Except I don’t really believe that, do I? For better or worse, humiliation is something I’m incredibly familiar with. How can I not be, when every move I make personally insults my father? Nothing’s ever proper enough, smart enough, good enough.
