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Most everyone was sitting back down now, but a group still lingered in the middle of the room—a few guys and a bunch of girls. They were talking with my cousins.
I followed Gem to our table.
“Okay.” Gem dropped into her seat, giving me a shrewd look. “First off, I have a feeling your cousins are going to head over here any second, so I gotta start at the top. The top being Scout Raiden.”
Scout. That was his first name.
Why’d he have to have a hot name too?
Figures.
“And the reason he didn’t fight is because he can’t.”
“What do you mean? The dude was in a fight last night, Clint said in class.”
She nodded. “Like a sanctioned fight, as in a fight in a league where people can bet and make money off him.”
“Like a pro?”
“That’s the rumor. He’s too young for the UFC to give him a contract, but he’s on his way. He moved here a year ago when he was starting to really get noticed. I guess his uncle is some big guy in the UFC world and has been training him. Miles something. I don’t think they have the same last name. I don’t really know, but his uncle’s loaded. I do know that. He has a gym on the river. Other guys pay to work out there, but Scout was the reason it was built. All I know is that the guy can fight. Like, for real fight.”
“What if he has to fight?”
She shook her head. “It can’t happen—or, I don’t think it can. I’m kinda fuzzy on the rules myself. Self-defense might be one thing, but even there, it’s frowned on. But if you want to know someone who’s going to end up famous, he’s it. He’s getting a name in the fighting world right now, and he’s probably going to get a contract when he turns nineteen. The UFC has only signed two other nineteen year olds. He’ll be the third.”
I glanced over and saw he was grinning at something Clint said.
His face was normally locked down. Guarded. But when he grinned, it made me do a double take. He wasn’t just stunning. The guy deserved to be on a runway or a magazine cover at the very least.
Ugh. Why’d he have to be so hot?
“What’s he like?”
“Like?”
“His personality. He’s friends with my cousins, but they’ve never mentioned him.”
Gem shrugged, eating her salad again. “He’s okay, I guess. He doesn’t talk to anyone except for Cohen and your cousins. I guess you’ll get to know what he’s like.”
“Cohen was the guy fighting Macon? You mentioned him earlier.”
“Yeah. Cohen Rodriguez. He and Scout have been tight since the first day. I think they knew each other before he moved here, but he’s gotten close to your cousin too.”
I looked over again, unable to stop myself.
As if hearing our conversation, Scout stopped grinning and turned. His eyes found mine, and his amusement fled. The same hatred as before simmered there as he glared back at me. Then I realized I’d been glaring first.
I turned my back, frustrated. What was my problem?
No. Wait. I knew.
I wanted to fuck Scout, but I wasn’t going to because of the last guy I slept with.
And thinking of him, a wave of emotion swept through me, threatening to choke me. No, no, no.
The panic was coming in.
I wasn’t going there. I couldn’t, unless I was okay going comatose for a full week. But, damn, that feeling in me was rising, building. Spreading. It was too fast, too strong. I knew what was happening, and I couldn’t stop it. I was already too far gone.
The attack was here.
I knew what I needed to do to handle it. I shoved up out of my seat, muttering, “I gotta go.”
So dramatic, but . . . gah.
I thought I’d dealt with this stuff. I thought I had pushed these emotions out of me, destroyed them, but they were still there, and they were taking over. They always took over.
I’d be paralyzed if I didn’t do something soon.
I passed the hall with my locker and sailed out of school. I was on my bike within a minute, and I was leaving the parking lot when the tears started falling. I couldn’t hold them back any longer.
Shit, shit, shit.
Talk about teenager tragedy.
It was the first day, and I was skipping lunch with a sobfest choking my insides, but damn. Damn!
I couldn’t go there.
I didn’t know Scout.
I hadn’t even spoken a word to him.
He reminded me of him. That was why. That was all.
When I thought of him, I also thought of my dad . . . and I could not go there.
I wouldn’t.
This was old crap that hadn’t been counseled out of me.
That was it.
That was all.
I’d be fine.
I could take a day.
My mom would understand.
Just one day.
5
SCOUT
I’d just gotten to the gym when my uncle found me. He was coming out of his office and jerked his chin up. “I need to talk to you.”
