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Aaron puts a hand on my shoulder. “We all struggle. You don’t have to feel bad or guilty about that. What’s important is that you recognize it and do what you need to do to get help. I wish we would’ve known more about this stuff in high school and college. Therapy seemed so big and overwhelming and like something other people did. I always felt like my struggles weren’t severe enough. Until I actually went to therapy and realized how much I needed it. I wish it was a part of high school health curriculum. I wish insurance covered monthly therapy appointments for everyone. We all need it.”
I glance over at him and smile. “You must be killing it as a guidance counselor.”
He laughs. “I don’t know about killing it, but I hope I’m helping.”
Letting out a long breath, I pick a brownie up from the plate on my lap. I eat almost the whole thing in one bite and groan. “Fuck, that’s so good. I’m starving.”
Aaron smacks Joel on the arm. “Come on. Let’s find some food for dinner.”
Joel nods, and they head for the kitchen. Mackie takes Aaron’s seat beside me and cuddles against me.
“Oh, Dr. Jim is calling,” Sarah says, standing and answering her phone as she walks out of the room.
I wrap my other arm around Mackie and pop a kiss on her forehead. “Thank you guys for being here for me.”
Mackie scrunches up her face. “Why are you thanking us? Do you not know us? This is kinda what we do.”
“Truth,” Rae says. “Remember when Aaron and I broke up and you walked back to the dorm with me? You had me laughing when I didn’t think laughter was possible.”
I laugh at that. “Oh man. What did you say to me that got me laughing? Something about—”
“The vagina’s always wetter in the next girl,” she says with a huge smile.
“What?” Mackie says, laughing loudly.
Rae shrugs. “He asked why I thought he never went for a serious relationship. And I gave him an answer.”
“Oh my god, that’s great,” Mackie says with a laugh. But I’m stuck on the question I asked Rae to get that answer. I told her I wasn’t ready. We talked about it several times when she and Aaron were apart. Why I held myself back. I said I wasn’t ready for a relationship, but I think the truth is I wasn’t ready forthis.
“Does every relationship have to go like this?” I ask, then take another massive bite of a brownie.
“What happened?” Rae asks.
I give the simplest rundown of events. Realistically, it comes down to her not wanting to let me in and me pushing her. Even though I still don’t feel like I was in the wrong.
“Did I completely fuck it up?” I ask.
“No,” Rae answers instantly. “Neither of you did. You’re both learning how to be in a relationship. Aaron and I broke up because we had so much to learn and overcome. I don’t think that’ll be the case for you two, but she has to learn how to open up to you.”
“And what about me?”
“You have to deal with your anxiety and your need to have everything figured out. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always go that way, and learning to cope with that is going to be important going forward. Especially once you have a kid. She’s not going to be able to tell you what’s wrong for at least the first few years of her life. You’re heading into uncharted territory, and you have to learn how to be okay with that.”
“And I have a great recommendation for someone who can help you with that,” Sarah says, walking back into the room. “Dr. Jim had someone he thought would be a great fit for you. I just texted you the info.”
“Thanks, Sarbear.”
She leans over and kisses my cheek. “No problem.” She looks at the three of us snuggled on the couch. “I feel like I’m missing out on this Miles sandwich. Maybe I can lay on top.”
“No way,” Mackie says, scooching closer to me. “Sit next to me. Miles is the meat. I’m the cheese. You two are the bread that holds us together.”
Sarah laughs and sits down next to Mackie. “The bread. I like that.”
“Uh, excuse me.Youare not the bread,” Joel says, setting a tray of bread, crackers, and dressings on the coffee table, then squeezing onto the couch next to Sarah. “That would be Rae and me.” He extends his fist toward her. “The OGs.”
“The OGs,” she whispers, bumping his fist.
Aaron sets a tray of deli meat, cheese, and fruit on the coffee table and sits down next to Rae, pulling her halfway onto his lap. “I don’t think it matters who the bread is. The sandwich wouldn’t be whole without all of us.”
