AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I shake my head, hanging it in shame.
“Enough,” Raff barks. “Cil, take Astro and make sure they get home okay.” I hear them stomp away, and Raff strokes my hair.
“Let it out, brother. It’s okay, you’re okay, and she’s okay.” My tears fall silently as he holds me. “God, Dal, death is never the choice. Never, do you hear me?” I lift my head and meet his glassy eyes, watching his tears fall for me. “Think of those you would leave. Astro, Cil, me . . . Reign. It would kill us. You wouldn’t hurt, but we would for the rest of our lives. Think of everything you still have to do. No matter how fucking dark it seems, brother, there is always a way out. You are too fucking strong to give up.”
“I regretted it immediately,” I admit, “but I didn’t think I could stop it. I’m sorry, Raff. I really am.”
“I know.” He sighs, wrapping his arms around me. “Promise me you won’t do it again.”
“I promise,” I vow. I would never hurt my family like that.
When he pulls back, I see the shadows in his eyes, and I know I put them there. He doesn’t believe me. I need to regain his trust as well as Reign’s. Shame battles with my determination.
He’s right. There’s always a way out, no matter how bleak it seems.
There is so much to live for, and even in the darkness, there is a light switch . . . a hand.
She was mine, and I promise to always be hers.
FIFTY-SEVEN
The bright lights of the truck flash in my mind, as does the look in his eyes—regret.
Groaning, I sit up, giving up trying to sleep. Beck left after getting me settled, but this house is just too quiet and big without them, even with Raff Jr. close on my heels, as if protecting me in their place. Not to mention, my mind won’t stop whirring.
Dal tried to kill himself.
Guilt is eating at me. Is it my fault? Of course it is. He made the decision, but it won’t stop me from blaming myself, and it’s making me feel sick to my very core. I didn’t even think as I ran to him. I had to stop him. I might still be angry, but I can’t live in a world without him.
I love him, and it fucking hurts.
It’s not the moment of heartbreak that hurts the most. It’s in the stillness after the fact. It’s in the days after, when you repeat their words in your head over and over so much, they don’t seem real. You remember their touches and their looks. You question everything from the start, and you torture yourself until you can’t sleep or eat. All you think about is the constant pain, and within that stillness is when you truly break.
That’s when you realize just how strong you need to be to survive.
They say heartbreak can’t kill you, but I beg to differ. I wrap my arms around myself to hold myself together.
My house is too quiet.
My heart is too jagged and broken to work again.
No, the moment of heartbreak isn’t the worst. It’s what comes after.
It’s trying to heal from a pain you can’t fix. No doctor or medication can make it go away. No one else can see it, but you can feel the open wounds. You can only numb yourself for a little while, but when the quiet comes, it will return.
The truth is, I crave it because it means I’m still alive.
Pain has always been my constant companion, in a sense, because heartbreak has been with me since I was born to a mother who didn’t love me enough to stay. I had a father who hated me enough to hurt me and a brother too innocent for this world. I even had a fake fiancé who was too blind to care. Yes, I know heartbreak well, and in a sense, we are old friends.
Along with the pain is anger. They did this to us and destroyed what we could have been. Dal almost killed himself, and I’m so mad that he could be that selfish.
The emotional turmoil is too much, and I find myself in the one place I feel safe—my studio. I’m curled up under a blanket, my guitar on my lap like a shield. I hold my phone in my hand, open to the group chat.
The last message is from them.
QueenB: Okay, which of you idiots used all my fancy body scrub?
Cillian: Definitely Astro, babe.
