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“Oh.” I replace the lid of my mascara and set it down. I sigh again, but this time I’m aware I’m doing it. “Yeah. I’m upset I guess.”
“What about?”
“A lot of things.” I say lamely. Where do I even start on trying to explain all the ways I’ve fucked up lately? Taylor watches me patiently, waiting for me to elaborate.
“I keep fucking things up for Colt.” It hurts to say out loud, and I hate the wobble in my voice. “I think I’m bad for him. He deserves a nice girl instead of a complicated mess like me, who keeps getting into trouble.”
“Where’s this coming from?” Taylor’s brows draw together in concern.
“I got us both fired from the newsagent job.” I confess.
“Whoa. How?”
“Um. I kind of dragged Colt into the back room to have sex, and we left the counter unattended.”
“You did not!” Taylor is staring at me, eyes wide with disbelief.
“I did.”
Taylor snorts from trying to hold her laugher back.
“Shut up,” I say. But I’m smiling now too. This story will never get old.
“How did your boss find out?”
“Oh. Um.” I scratch the back of my neck. “Turns out there’s surveillance cameras in the storeroom.”
“Stop it!” Taylor squeals, then grabs her pillow and holds it to her face to muffle her laughter. “You can’t be serious.”
“I’m serious. And as funny as it is, the fact we’re both unemployed isn’t so funny. Colt needed that job. So did I actually.”
“That sucks. Especially after giving up stripping. But one minor incident doesn’t mean you’re bad for him. And hey, it takes two to get down and dirty in the back room. I bet you didn’t force him.”
“That’s what he said,” I admit. “But it was all my idea and I feel terrible because I know he’s way too sensible to have done stupid shit like that before he met me.”
“I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”
“It’s not just that though,” I say miserably, picking up my brush and running it through my hair. “He’s failing heaps of subjects, because I keep convincing him to skip school with me.”
“Well, I mean, you could probably do with attending lectures a bit more often yourself.”
“I know. But I never cared much when it was only me being affected by it. Now that Colt’s doing badly, I’m worried for him. Like, I don’t mean to lead him astray. It’s just … sometimes it’s like I’m being driven on autopilot, and I can’t help but act on whatever whim takes me each day.”
“Okay, but he’s an adult Sassy. He’s responsible for his own actions. He doesn’t have to go along with your crazy schemes.”
I nod and put the hairbrush down. There’s something else I need to say, and just the thought of it makes tears well in my eyes. I swipe at them angrily. For goodness’ sake, I’m not someone who cries and yet here I am doing it for the second time this week.
“I think I should stop seeing him.” I whisper the words out loud, my heart breaking a little.
“What? Don’t be crazy.”
“I’m serious. I’ve been screwing everything up for him. If I really like him, I should let him go, so he stops getting into trouble. Right?”
“No,” Taylor shakes her head. “That’s an old-school cliché someone created to justify dumping people. You’re so happy together, Sass. You guys can work this out.”
I study my fingernails, not wanting to say more. The sheer amount of emotion running through me is making me uncomfortable. I’m not used to caring about someone else, and I’m certainly not used to caring if I want to stop seeing a guy. Decisions like this usually come from a place of logic, not emotion.
But with Colt, it’s different. Of course it is, because with Colt, everything’s different. And I don’t want to break it off. But deep down, I know it’s the right thing to do. I have to walk away before I completely destroy his life.
