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No. If I really care for him, I have to stay away.
What sucks is that no matter how much my head knows this is the right thing to do, my heart still yearns for him. I’m so mad at myself for catching feelings for someone. This is exactly why I usually keep my stupid emotions locked up tight. Who wants to go around feeling like this? It’s madness. I mean, I must admit even to myself that it all felt really good when we were having fun. If I were completely honest, I’d say it’s the happiest I’ve ever been. There’s something about Colt’s sweet face and his open, adoring manner that has me completely hooked. The washboard abs and hot body didn’t hurt either.
I shake my head as I get close to Britt’s house. Enough of those thoughts, they’ll get me nowhere.
There’s no sign of Gav’s car so I shoot off a text to let her know I’m here. It takes a while for her to finally come out, and when she does, I can tell something is off right away.
“What’s wrong?” I ask as she stands on the stoop and folds her arms. Normally she’d rush at me to give me a hug, but not today. I look around to make sure Gav isn’t behind her, as that’s the only reason I can think for her to be acting cold towards me.
“Why would you try to get me taken away from my dad?”
Oh fuck.
Cold dread washes over my body as my conversation with Gav comes crashing back to me. I remember now why I felt uneasy – it was the way he said he’d tell Brittany the truth.
“What do you mean, squirt? I don’t want to split you up from your dad.” I try to smile but my mouth wobbles. How much does she know?
“He told me that when you lived with us, you threatened to tell the police he was a bad daddy and that I’d be taken off you. He told me that’s why he doesn’t like you being here anymore.”
I feel nauseous. When I told Gav to tell her the truth, I hadn’t meant that part. I meant I wanted him to tell her that I don’t come around because he won’t let me. But of course he told her the real reason, even if it was from years ago. Why would he take the blame for something that isn’t his fault? Why would he make himself out to be the villain and me the good guy, when it’s really the other way around? I exhale.
“Britt, I’m so sorry. I said that stuff a long time ago when I was young. I was mad and said a lot of things I didn’t mean.”
“I don’t want to live with anyone else. I love my dad.” Britt’s eyes fill with tears.
“I know you do sweetheart, I know. I promise I’ll never try to get you taken away.” I step forward with my arms out, wanting to reassure her with a hug. But she takes a quick step back from me, as though my touch might burn her. I drop my arms back to my side.
“Just go away Sassy. I don’t want you to come here anymore. Leave my daddy alone.”
“Brittany please,” I plead, but she swings around and disappears back into her house. My shoulders slump and tears pool in my eyes.
How is it possible for me to keep fucking everything up so much? Every person’s life I touch gets worse instead of better. I swipe at my eyes and turn on my heel.
I love Britt so much, but now I’ve hurt her too. It’s time for me to finally leave her alone, just like her dad wants me to. I blink back the tears that are threatening to fall. I need to stay away from all of the people I care about most so they can live their best lives.
As I’m walking back down the street, the straps on one of my sandals snaps and the shoe falls from my foot. Looking down, I sigh. Of course this would fucking happen.
My phone beeps. There’s a message from Chase asking if I want to hang out. I should probably add him to my list of people I need to stay away from, but I know he’s different. Chase is more like me, already fucked up and on his own path to self destruction. After a moments hesitation, I reply to him that I’ll see him soon. Seeing someone who doesn’t hate me right now might be just what I need to pull myself out of this misery.
Chapter36
Sassy
“I’m going to stop drinking for a while.”
Taylor, who’s sitting at her desk studying, splutters. She swings her seat around to face me.
“There’s something wrong with my hearing. I could’ve sworn you just said you’re giving up drinking.”
“Smart ass.” I throw a cushion at her. “Anyway, I didn’t say I’m giving it up forever.”
“What bought this on? Is it because you puked at the pub and got thrown out?”
“That may have contributed.” I grimace. “But I’ve been considering it for a while, anyway. I’ve always loved to party, but something’s changed with me lately. Instead of drinking for fun, I’ve been doing it to escape. And instead of helping, it’s made things worse. Drinking to forget your problems isn’t healthy. And drinking until you vomit is just gross.”
Taylor smiles gently at me. “I think that’s a great idea.”
I raise my eyebrows at her, and she holds her hands up.
