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We sit in silence for a while, watching the occasional car drive past and listening to some dogs barking in the distance.
“You’re a really clever kid, Britt. Much smarter than me.”
“That’s not true. You teach me heaps of stuff.”
“I don’t mean that kind of smart. You’re more emotionally mature than me, even at the age I am now. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I need to grow up. Like, become more smart with my feelings and emotions, just like you.” I look sideways at Britt, and see a smile pull at the corners of her mouth.
“You want to be like me?” She asks tentatively.
“Of course. Who wouldn’t want to be like you? Perhaps you could be the big sister and start giving me advice.” I’m joking with her, but truthfully, I’ve accepted that even a ten-year-old wouldn’t fuck up as much as I have. It’s time I grew up, and started making better decisions in my life.
“Okay,” Brittany grins playfully, then adopts a mock-serious tone. “What advice can I give you today?”
“Hmmmm, can you tell me whether I should tell Colt I love him?”
“You love Colt?” Britt’s face lights up. “Why wouldn’t you tell him that?”
“Because we broke up. So, he’s not mine to tell, anymore.”
“You guys broke up? But Colt is the best! And he loves you too, I can tell.”
“You think?” I ask.
“Definitely!” she answers, seriously. I sigh and pull my legs in closer.
“Well, I’m not sure if he does anymore. And he’s going to move away. So maybe I shouldn’t tell him. He can leave and be happy.”
“How can he be happy if he doesn’t know that you love him?” Britt asks innocently, and I swear my eyes get misty. If only things were that simple.
“Haven’t you heard the saying, if you love someone, set them free?” I ask lightly.
“Sounds like a dumb saying.” Britt says and I laugh. I lean over and give her a hug.
“Well, whether or not I tell him, I want you to know that I love you and I’ll never stop telling you that.”
“I love you too, Sassy.” Britt hugs me back. We both stand up.
“I really am sorry for what I said to your dad all those years ago. I want you to believe me when I tell you I just want him to be happy. He deserves to be.”
“He’s happy.” Britt says, grinning. “He’s got a girlfriend and they’re definitely in love.”
“Does he?” I raise my eyebrows. “Do you like her?”
“She’s the best. I hope he marries her.”
“Wow! She must be great.” I look down at Brittany’s cheerful face and a lump forms in my throat. What’s wrong with me lately? But it’s hard not to have tears of joy when I imagine Britt getting a mum and having the family she deserves.
We hug again and say our goodbyes. I’m just stepping onto the footpath path when Brittany calls out to me a last time.
“Sassy! Make sure you tell Colt you love him. Don’t be scared!”
I salute her and then head towards home. I’m so relieved I’ve made up with her. One day, I hope to clear the air with Gav too. But for now, I’ll give him the space he needs.
Chapter40
Colt
“Colt, please just tell me what’s wrong.” I can detect concern in Becky’s voice as it floats down the phone line. She’s been calling me most days since she went home. I’ve been pretending to her I’m fine, and she’s been pretending to believe me. But now it seems she’s sick of that game and, to be honest, so am I. Keeping up a cheerful front to my friends, lecturers, and Becky, is wearing me down. I scrub a hand over my face and sigh.
