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He didn’t answer in word or gesture, choosing to ignore me.
Once inside the club, however, he took me right over to the mural.
It was getting bigger. The original painting had the horses, Millie, the dog, the three men and the club behind them. Now Xen had had to paint the fields to each side and more of the mountains behind the club so he could add the rest of their animals and special friends besides.
Noah and Eli had a small piece of it, Theo and Hud along with their boyfriends, Ryan and Brett. But I was totally blown away at seeing my own portrait in graffiti near an old tractor.
It was me, dark skin, dressed in the graffiti underwear Xen, himself, had designed for Slutae. I was gorgeous in the portrait, laughing despite myself. “Xen…oh, god, this is amazing. This is…I’m so honored.”
He jumped up and down, clapping silently as he watched my tears fall. I felt more at home than I had since I’d come there.
“How’d he like it? Dang it iffin I didn’t wanna see ‘is face!” Joel shouted as he came into the club.
I turned to show him the tears. “I love it.”
“Aw, shit fire and save the matches. I cried too! Ain’t it jus’ sumthin?”
“It is, Joel. Xen…sees a lot.” What I meant was, looking at the picture, I saw my eyes in it, and they were far off, like I was looking for something I couldn’t find. The smile, however, showed that I had hope I would find it.
Xen had tears in his own eyes, and I hugged him tightly. “You’re a beautiful, wonderful man, Xen. I just love you.”
He pulled away and patted his heart, then pointed to me.
“He means?”
“I know what he means, Joel.”
Xen hugged me again, then Joel, and left the club without a word, though that wasn’t unusual for him. “Let me get settled, Joel, and we can hang out for a while before the night starts.”
“Sounds good ta me.”
After I showered, Joel rubbed oil on my back and we talked over the animals, the ranch and Eli talking about adopting a kid. “He’s sure he wants it,” Joel said as he chewed his lip.
“I think it’s great, Joel. Why wouldn’t you?”
“Oh, don’ git me wrong or nothin’, I think it’d be great too. Jus’ thinkin’, ya know? What iffin he changed?”
I thought about my wants and dreams before I’d moved from Denver to the ones I held dear at present and smiled inwardly, thinking of Colby’s little sleeping face and Chandler’s mischievous smiles. “They’d definitely change, but their lives would be…full. They have enough love to go around, Joel. Kids are…an entirely different love and one that just…takes you over and makes you want the entire world to be as happy as you are.”
“Wowie. Yer talkin’ like you got a kid. You got a kid?”
Those two boys’ faces floated in my mind. “Yeah, I do, at least for now.”
“Oh, sure. The mayor’s kids.”
“Yeah. They’re special.”
“Yer terrible in love, ain’t ya?”
He was watching my face as he came around to the front of me and I just nodded. “I think so, yeah.”
I waited, and it felt like years, to see his reaction. When he smiled, I knew all the hints and suspicions were on the nose.
“Joel, he spoke to you guys about me, in that way, right?”
“Ya know I ain’t sayin’ nothin’ that’s gonna git me whooped.”
“You don’t have to.”
