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“I want you to be mine for the rest of my life, Kanan. I’m so in love with you.”
I held him, feeling his fear. Lately, his normally shining eyes were clouded with worry. “When you get back, we’ll talk about some things, okay?”
“You’re…you’re happy, right?”
“I’m happier than I’ve ever been. That’s not the problem, Rick, and I think you know it.”
He nodded then held me tightly again. “I know. It’s me and my mind that won’t seem to give me a break.”
“Get out with Burke, talk, learn, and come home. That should be the time Colby is napping. We’ll have some time to talk.”
I received another kiss before we left the pantry, hearing Colby giggling. We turned the corner to see Burke playing with him by holding him up and making him pretend to be an airplane.
With Burke so tall, Colby was way up in the air, and he was squealing with delight, although I have to admit, it scared me to see him up that high. “Burke, enough. Take Rick,” I as I held my arms up to Colby.
“Sure, sure. Colby, we’ll play another day.”
“Okay,” he said, laughing. “Bye Book!”
“Bye, little guy.”
Colby got a lesson in the ABCs then we watched a movie before lunch. At the table, he was rubbing his eyes and yawning, so I knew he’d go down easily. After half a story, he was snoring softly, and it wasn’t long before Rick came home, and we were seated in the family room off the kitchen.
The room was filled with family things, books for all the men in the home, a big television, toys, and video games by the dozens. The room, unlike the rest of the house, was rather cluttered and much more comfortable. Not that anywhere in the home was too stuffy. The home was warm and inviting.
Rick stared around the room at the toys on the floor, the flashcards Colby and I had been using, and he sighed before admitting, “It feels more like home than it has in a very long time.”
“That’s a good thing, so tell me what’s bothering you.”
Rick smiled tiredly. “We’ve talked about things, Kanan. Bisexuals, gay men, straight men, and I’m still grappling with it.”
“With which part?”
“Me. Where I fit in all this, Kanan.” His words were strained, and he could barely look at me. “I keep worrying. I know, it’s dumb, maybe, but I can’t take another heartbreak.”
“Rick, if you think I’d—”
“No,” he said and finally looked in my eyes, grabbing both of my hands. “I don’t think you’ll hurt me. I know you’ve been hurt too, and I don’t want to hurt you. What if, like you’ve explained, if sexuality is fluid for some people, what if I…?”
“Turn back straight?” I almost laughed but held it back. “Rick…”
“I could!”
“And you’d stop loving me? If something happens like that, we’ll deal with it. I doubt it will, though. I happen to think you’ve always been bisexual. Rick, you’ve loved women in the past, yes, and it gives me hope.”
“Hope? Kanan!”
Taking a minute to sort my thoughts, I watched him waiting like he was ready to burst. “You loved them, and you lost one to death, the other left you, but you would have stayed with either of them forever. Your love doesn’t just fade. You are one of the rare people on the planet that loves forever.”
I managed to get a smile from him for that. “This is just so new. I wake up in the middle of the night, shaking, and then I look over at you, and you’re so fucking beautiful, it takes away my worry. If I ever hurt you, it would kill me as much or more than being hurt myself, Kanan.”
“Okay. Don’t hurt me.”
“Oh, simple as that. Okay, I won’t,” he said, and we kissed heatedly, though we knew we couldn’t go further. “How do you do that? Ease my mind so easily,” he asked while kissing over my throat.
“You love me. We’re in love. You’re into a guy.”
He barked a laugh and stared at me. “Yes, I’m very into him.”
