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“If you’re expecting an apology, you can forget it. I’m not sorry for earlier. I wanted to hurt you.” My lungs squeezed. His words felt like a punch. His hatred was like taking a beating. “You have to understand how what you did seven years ago affected me.”
“WhatIdid?” I slapped a hand to my chest, trying to stop the agony from spreading. I knew I had fault, but I wasn’t the only one. He’d made mistakes, too. But he wanted to forget them. Make everything about me. I wasn’t going to take his beating anymore. “No. I’m not doing this.”
I turned on my heel, but he gripped my arms before I could even take a step. Yanking me back against his muscular chest. His heat spread into my body. Making me ache for him. How could someone so cold feel warm? How could I like it when I hated him?
“Just listen.” His breath coasted down my skin, making me shiver. His chest brushed my back as he exhaled, pressing us closer together. “I know you were young, too young to have a baby. But you could’ve at least told me yourself.”
“Told you?” I whipped around in his hold. He stumbled back as I shoved at his chest.
The fury inside made me stronger. Indignation and adrenaline pumped through my veins as I pushed him again. Hurt him like he’d hurt me.
I’d grown up watching my father beat my mother. Knowing he murdered for a living. It should’ve made me immune to death and blood. Instead, it made me sick.
But for the first time in my life, I wanted to draw blood. I wanted to see someone suffer like I suffered.
“How could I tell you when you left me broken and bleeding in that hospital?” My voice echoed around the space as I shouted. “You left me alone to deal with everything myself. I had no one! My father certainly wasn’t going to help.”
My chest heaved as I struggled for air. Emotions from the past came barreling to the surface. I felt like I was back in that hospital. Swollen and aching. Wishing for the safety of his warmth. For him to protect me like he’d promised. For him to take away the pain.
But just like then, he didn’t come to my rescue. He sneered at me like my agony was his pleasure. I pressed a hand to my heart, trying to heal the scars there. Trying to stop them from opening again. Trying to stop myself from bleeding out on his floor.
“I thought he would’ve been happy when you decided to have an abortion.”
The world spun. My body went slack. I saw his lips move. Heard the words, but they didn’t make sense.
“Wh-what? Did you say?” I stuttered as I tried to clear the fog.
“Your father should’ve been happy after your abortion.”
It was like a record screeching. A bomb exploding in my head. All the pieces fit into place. Why he never came to the hospital. Why he left. Why he hated me so much.
“Adam, I never had an abortion.” I shook my head, my body rejecting the idea. Not even for a moment had I considered giving up our baby. Even though it would’ve been easier for a million reasons. But my love for him and our unborn child was too strong. Too foolish. “I had a… a.”
I wrapped my arms around my stomach. My shoulders rounded as if I could feel the pain again. As if the words would bring it back.
I couldn’t say it. I hadn’t spoken it out loud in years. But he needed to know. He deserved the truth.
“A m-miscarriage.” My voice broke as tears slid down my cheeks. But it wasn’t my pain that hurt. It was his. The devastation on his face as he stumbled back into the counter.
“No.” He snapped as his fingers curled into the stone. His jaw clenched as he glared at me. “You would’ve told me.”
“I—I tried.” My mouth pulled down as more tears came. I couldn’t stop the anguish that was overtaking me. “You never showed up. You blocked my number.”
I sucked in a slow breath as he stared at me. The emotions flicking behind his eyes threw me back into the paste.
Rage. Disbelief. Grief. All the things I’d felt. The feelings I’d dealt with on my own.
Then I saw the guilt. Saw when he finally believed me. When he started to hate himself instead of me.
“Fuck!” I jumped as he picked up his drink. It exploded on the wall behind me, glass scattering around the floor.
His blue eyes turned manic as he advanced on me. Glass crunched under my feet as I scurried back. I’d never seen him like this before. He was always calm. Ruthless. Mean but calm.
My heart slammed against my ribs as he grabbed me. His fingers gripped my skull as he crushed me to his chest. It was like he was trying to absorb my pain. Erase what couldn’t be undone.
It was seven years too late. But I still found myself wrapping my arms around him. Burying my face into his body as I inhaled his scent. My eyes closed as more tears stained his shirt.
“I didn’t know.” His voice wavered as he held me tighter. “Sweet, nightling. I had no idea. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you went through that alone.”
