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“Yes, Aunty, I’ll be right out,” I reply. Truth is, I’m not fine, but what else is there for me to say to her?
I quickly washed up and changed to my PJs. Wrapped the robe Tito gave me and went to dinner, with my new family in my new home and a new country.
Never forgetting the fact that I’m an orphan.
NASEER.
I’mbedridden.Aftermonthsat the hospital, I was discharged to my parents’ care. They’ve converted one of the living rooms into a bedroom downstairs for me. I’m still in a hospital bed, with round-the-clock nursing care. My ribs healed, and no lung collapsed, though I still experience shortness of breath. The doctors say I should give myself time to heal. My arms and entire lower body are still in a plaster cast. I can’t move. The nurses turn me every few hours to change the dressing on my back.
I haven’t seen any friends. They’ve called, but I’ve refused to see or talk to them. No one should see me like this. I can live in isolation. I barely talk and I don’t want to laugh with anyone. Why would I want to laugh or talk when I don’t know if I’ll ever walk again?
My life has gone from bright, rich, and full to dull and bleak. Now at the age of twenty -six when I should be living life all I do is stare at the ceiling all day. It’s baffling how my life had changed in a snap. My parents are doing everything to make me comfortable. I feel like my future is over.
The sooner I’m out of the way, the better. That sloppy nurse keeps leaving my meds close to me. I’ll one day reach it and swallow it all. Maybe I’ll die in my sleep and my parents will be relieved of the burden of the child they can’t bring out to the world.
“Your Highness, do you need anything else?” Her voice sounds screeching and irritating to my ears.
“Why do you keep asking that stupid question, Nurse Rae? Can you give me what I need?”
“I can try within my limit.”
“If you can’t get me to walk, then get the fuck out and stop speaking to me!” I growled at her.
“Good night, Your Highness.”
“Nothing good about it, just get out!”
She leaves; I couldn’t care less about anyone but myself right now. They keep asking if they can help when they know they can’t.
“Naseer, she’s just trying to help.” I hear my mother say. “I know this position is not ideal. It will pass.”
“When! Will it pass, Mom? I have been in bed for months and you keep saying the same thing. I can’t move my legs.” It startled my mom for a moment that I shouted at her.
“The doctors said you will walk again. The bones just need to heal first.”
“Well, sounds like the doctors just wantsyouto think there is hope. I’m done licking their hope lollipop. Goodnight, Mom” My fingers find the light button on my bed rail; I switch it off without looking at her. Not my fault if she bumps into something.
I hear the door close. Can’t they see what being in this position is doing to me? I didn’t bother turning the lights back on. I stayed awake in the dark.
It was meant to be fun. Brian and I challenged each other to race. Testing my Ducati against his Kawasaki. He convinced himself that he could beat me. The bet was whoever won would take the other’s bike.
Ken, my former roommate and Brian's cousin, didn’t like the idea of us racing through the street, but we had called him a coward. He’d backed out. Leaving Brian and I to the dangerous challenge, as he’d called it.
Brian and I know it is crazy and dangerous but convince ourselves that we’ve not lived until we dip close to the edge of danger.
The race started fine. We weaved through traffic at high speed—out of nowhere came the car that would change my life. The thought that I may never walk again haunts me. My back and shoulders look like Wolverine and the pack of wolves fought. I see the unpleasant looks on the nurses’ faces whenever they change the dressing on my back. It appalled me the first time. I saw my scars, but I’ve come to terms with my new body. No woman would ever want to lie next to me again, that’s for sure. My days of being an Alpha are long gone.
My nose is broken. The doctors say it’s best to leave it. I have a long scar behind my left ear down my neck. I’d ruled the world of young, rich, and good-looking. Now I’m just a marred figure of my old self.
I lay awake in the dark until daybreak. This is my new life. I need to find a way to end my life soon. That way everyone can return to their lives and stop pretending like they don’t pity me or feel sadness when they see me. Little do they know I see the sympathy of my loss in their eyes.
JADE
AuntyLaratookmeto get the new school uniforms and things I would need for school. She said they wanted me to repeat my second year of high school, but she fought for me to be in the third year. That’s the same year I was in before my parents passed away. I didn’t understand why they thought I should repeat.
She just said I should face my studies and show them. I can be in a class with all the other kids. It is a prestige school. “Some kids will look down on you Jade because they think they are better, and my teacher discount gets you access to the school. Otherwise, we couldn’t afford such a school, but I know academically you can meet up.”
On my first day of class, I was given the front-row seat. I can hear the class snickering at my braids and how tall and skinny I am. Lucky for me, it is Math class. The teacher, Mr. Childs, a tall and lean white male with round glasses, introduces me to class as Mariam Bankole, a new student from Nigeria. He encourages them to be nice. Instead, they chuckle and snicker.
