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“Trust,” Gabe says simply.
“I’m not interested in doing this all the time,” Charlie offers, filling the space after Gabe’s response before it becomes super-awkward. “Sexytimes only. But I don’t want to have to fight about it once we get started.”
“I’m good with that,” Gabe says. “Teddy?”
I nod. “I liked what we had before, where the games were spreading outside sexytimes, though.”
“I’d be very interested in that,” Darwin says, his voice low and the evidence of his “interest” nudging my hip.
“Submission doesn’t have to be one thing,” Gabe says. “You can have different power exchanges with each of us. If Charlie just wants you to submit to him during sex but Darwin wants something more full-time and I want a mix, that’s okay, as long as it’s making you happy.”
I curl my toes over his thumb. “What would make you happy?”
Gabe takes a deep breath. “I’m not a hundred percent sure yet.”
“That’s why the orgasm moratorium.”
Gabe shakes his head at me. “I never saidanythingabout an orgasm moratorium, Teddy. I said I didn’t want to have sex until I’d worked through my feelings about being a foursome and where I fit into it. You jumped to no orgasms and I have no idea why.”
“I was planning on giving you orgasms tonight,” Charlie says. “Now, I don’t think so.”
I slump back onto Darwin’s chest. “Fuck.”
“Accept a spanking from each of us as punishment and I’ll reconsider.”
I swallow hard. Sexy pain still sounds good. I’ve loved it the times Gabe spanked me while we were fucking. But I’m not keen on the whole idea of punishment.
“So we’re clear,” Darwin murmurs, “I wouldn’t accept this kind of negotiation.”
Telling a lad I’m about to let spank me that he’s an arse probably isn’t the best idea.
“We don’t negotiate with Teddy usually,” Gabe explains. “But neither of us has punished her before. I think this is an important negotiation to have before her first punishment.”
“If you haven’t punished her before, how have things worked?” Darwin asks.
“Uh, can we back up a step? When did punishing me become a thing?” I ask.
“When you defied me,” Charlie says very firmly.
I swallow. I really wish I could take that moment back. It was a stupid thing to say. I hurt Charlie’s feelings. And I regret it.
“Could I just have a spanking from you?” I ask. “I’m not trying to negotiate my punishment or whatever, I just don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong with Gabe and Darwin and ... I dunnow, something in me really resents the whole idea of being punished when I haven’t done anything wrong.”
“This could fall into that category of negative past associations we talked about,” Gabe murmurs to Charlie.
“Can you clue me in?” Darwin asks Gabe. “I can see this is a trigger.”
Gabe nods but doesn’t say anything.
I sigh. “I get that you guys are talking about dominating me or whatever, but I’m not loving this. Feels like you’re keeping secrets.”
Gabe curls his hands around my ankle reassuringly. “Charlie and I talked about how physical punishment might not be a good idea with you because of how your Da used to hurt you.”
Charlie squeezes my fingers. “I think I can make a sexy spanking work, but I wouldn’t take it any further than that. Gabe’s worried about one of us injuring you and making you see us as a threat. Neither of us want that.”
I look from one boy to the other. I couldn’t ever think of them the way I think of Da, but if one of them hurt me, would they go from being my sanctuary to being a threat?
When the boys just watch me, I try to explain what’s going on in my head.
