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“What I liked so much about these games, when Gabe and I started playing, was that I didn’t have to think. I could just feel. Just enjoy what was happening. Because Gabe was in charge. Things were a little different with Charlie, but that’s still the most important part of it for me. I trust you both—well, all three of you—to take care of me. I don’t think that would change if you hurt me accidentally. I have a high pain threshold. You’d have to hit me pretty hard to really hurt me on purpose, but if you did, I think I’d strike back. It wouldn’t be part of our games. I wouldn’t feel safe. So, yeah, I guess if you really hurt me, I would see it as a threat.”
Gabe and Charlie exchange glances.
“There are other punishments,” Darwin offers. “Things you’d find unpleasant but wouldn’t injure you.”
“No isolation,” Gabe says quietly. “Teddy withdraws.”
“What about something like kneeling on rice?”
“Why in the fuck would I do that?” I ask. Kneeling on rice sounds like shite. I’m not doing that. “This is getting outta hand.”
Darwin rubs his hand up and down my back. “A lot of power exchanges work on the principle of the dominant punishing the submissive for breaking rules or being disrespectful. I get that’s not how yours has worked. I’m guessing Gabe and Charlie have just been rewarding you and ignoring things they didn’t like.”
“I’ve been dealing with problems outside our power exchange,” Gabe says. “Teddy and I have good communication in general. I didn’t need to top her to get her to change behavior I don’t like. Charlie and Teddy have been friends for a long time. Other than sex, they’ve worked out most of their issues. You’re the one this is going to be a problem for, Dar. Particularly given how you feel about bratting and rule-breaking. Teddy’s never going to follow your rules outside the bedroom.”
“You got that right, mate,” I say.
The boys chuckle.
“This has been good,” Darwin says. “I feel like I understand much better.”
“Do you? I don’t. What did we settle?” I ask.
“We settled that you’re only submissive in sexual situations,” Darwin says. “We picked a scene-start word, so you know when you should be submitting. And we talked about some limits on punishment so you continue to feel safe with all of us. I completely agree with Gabe and Charlie about that. You’ve seen me as a threat in the past. I never want you to see me that way again.”
I shift so I’m leaning into his chest. “I don’t see you that way anymore.”
“Good. I don’t want that to change because you brat at me the way you did at Charlie earlier and I try to punish you.”
“I really am sorry about that,” I say, not just to Darwin but also to Charlie. “It was thoughtless and mean. I won’t do it again. But knowing that we’re playing when someone says ‘bananas’ will help me, too.”
“I accept your apology, bean,” Charlie says. “I still want to spank you, though.”
I nod. “I’m good with that.”
“With or without orgasms?” Charlie asks.
“Whatever you decide. I shouldn’t have focused on orgasms. Gabe’s right. He never said a thing about them and I’m just feeling—”
Gabe rubs his palm up and down my shin. “What are you feeling, baby girl? There’s more to this. Everything wasn’t about sex before. Why is it now?”
I chew my lip for a minute.
“I feel like we’re keeping secrets. If we were shagging, there wouldn’t be this lingering uncertainty. We’d trust each other.”
“Teddy, baby girl.” Gabe holds his arms open and I shift off Darwin’s lap and onto his. He folds me into his chest and holds me tightly. “I’ve trusted you from the moment I met you. Nothing that’s happened has destroyed my trust in you. Have we rattled your trust in us?”
I shrug. “Not rattled ... I just feel like I’m on the outside lookin’ in and it’s not a good feeling.”
Darwin runs his hand up and down my back. “It isn’t, is it?”
I twist in Gabe’s arms to look at Darwin.
“I’m trying to include you,” I tell him.
“I know you are. I couldn’t ask for you to be more accepting, Teddy. And I’m frustrated, too. But I’m the one none of you trust. As much as I’d hope sex will deepen our bonds, I think we need trust first.”
I told Charlie the same thing, but I’ve changed my mind, particularly when it comes to Princely. I’m starting to trust Darwin emotionally. Physically, though, we’re still strangers.
