Page 159 of Pay for Your Lies


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I puff out smoke in perfectly concentric circles and for a few seconds we just watch them float away quietly.

I hand him back the joint and stare at the driveway where I saw her drive away with the heart she’d ripped straight out of my chest.

It took watching her walk away from me and spending hours alone in my empty bed assaulted by thoughts of her to realize that I’ve been lying to myself about what I feel.

“I can’t wait, Phoenix.”

I have to find her. I have to fix this.

I have to tell her how I feel.

He turns his head slightly and gives me a rare smile. “Then what are you sitting here talking to me for? Good luck, mate.”

I clap his shoulder and jog to the car. I start to pull out of the driveway when I stop and roll the window down. He gets up and walks to me.

“Can you do something for me?”

He nods, blank faced, waiting for me to continue.

The hand that’s on the steering wheel turns white as I squeeze it in a death grip.

“Find Devlin.” I demand through clenched teeth.

Sadism shines in his eyes as a dark smile distorts his face.

“With pleasure.”

???

Ten minutes later, I’ve parked haphazardly in Thayer’s parking lot and am striding down the dark hallway of her apartment building towards her place.

It’s the middle of the night and there’s a floor full of people sleeping but I don’t give a fuck. I get to her door and pound on it with my closed fist until the hinges shake.

A light comes on and shines through the crack in the door, but she doesn’t answer.

“Thayer!” I call her name, hammering the door again. “Open the door, we need to talk.”

The door to my left opens and a disheveled head peeks out to investigate. I recognize one of the first years and shoot her a venomous look that sends her cowering back inside.

“I’m not going anywhere, Silver.” I shout through the door. “I need to talk to you.”

I start pacing back and forth in front of her apartment, the unacknowledged anxiety in my body making it impossible for me to remain static.

“Go away,” she replies, her voice muffled by the thick wood.

Frustration flames my blood at her refusal to talk to me. If I could just speak to her, if I could just explain, I know she’d forgive me.

I’d make her forgive me.

I’m not sure how I’ve lasted six hours separated from her but I know that I can’t take another second of conflict between us.

I pound my fist on the door once more and keep pounding until the pain in my hand is unbearable and I hear something splinter. Whether it’s the wood or one of my bones, I’m not sure.

“Open the door before I break it down with my bare hands.”

“Just leave, Mackley.” She calls out.

My jaw snaps shut and my teeth grind together at her using my last name, but I don’t take the bait. She’s trying to hurt me, to get back at me in any way she can, but I won’t let it distract me.

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