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Finally, I’m no longer lying to myself.
“Then why aren’t you doing anything about it?” She asks, quirking an eyebrow.
“I’m scared.”
She hears the unsaid in my words and a conspiratorial smile crosses her face.
“Now we’re talking about him, right?” She asks.
I nod.
“Listen, all you need to figure out right now is what you want to do about Carter. Rhys is… you’ll cross that bridge once you get there.”
“That bridge is much closer than you think.” I say and then catch her up on what’s happened over the last week.
We haven’t had a chance to really talk lately since she’s been all loved up with Rogue.
“Holy shit.” She says, when I finish telling her everything.
“Yup.”
“Wow.” She continues, but stops, at a loss for words.
“Yup.”
“I don’t know how you haven’t folded yet. I’d have gone like a cheap lawn chair if he said half those things to me.”
“Hey.” I say, my tone half joking, half warning. I don’t want to think about him saying those same things to her or anyone else.
The truth is I’ve folded more than she knows. I’ve touched myself to him so often, his face is starting to leave a permanent imprint on my eyelids.
But I don’t want to hear about anyone else folding for him.
She laughs. “So you’re just as possessive of him as he is of you. It’s going to be fireworks when you guys eventually hook up.”
“I don’t know if I can do the casual thing.” I tell her honestly.
“It’s tough. I mean, I obviously got my feelings involved in my own situationship so I can’t exactly give you unhypocritical advice. I guess what I’d say is, treat this like a rebound. A way to have a little fun and get back out there. You don’t really want to go right into another relationship, do you?” She asks, almost echoing Rhys word for word.
She’s not wrong, but unwittingly, Rhys already occupies a chunk of my waking thoughts as is.
If I hook up with him, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to do it without getting my feelings involved.
“No, you’re right.” I say, before adding. “You know what, I actually don’t want to talk about this anymore until I speak to Carter.”
It feels wrong to talk about someone else when I haven’t officially ended my current relationship and he’s just downstairs.
“Excuse me, you can’t stop now that we’re getting to the juicy part.” She says, but it’s too late.
“No, let’s chat about it later, after I’ve talked to him. It feels weird to talk about it now.”
She pouts and says, “Sad. But I get it. Are you going to talk to him today, do you think?”
I can’t imagine putting this off, pretending and just going through the motions with him when he has no clue how I feel.
I just can’t do it.
“Yeah, I think so.” I say, heading towards the door with her in tow. I turn back towards her as I go to open it. “By the way, I never thanked you for sending Mackley to come help me before the game. That was a life saving move.”
