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“You didn’t do that,” I said in a stronger voice. “Ignatius and his guards did that. All you ever did was defend yourself and try to defend others. It isn’t your fault you didn’t succeed in saving them. It was over for the Constantines before you even arrived in the room.”
“But it could have been me,” he said in a low voice. “I walked into a scene of chaos and violence and reacted as anyone would. But what if I’d walked into something else? What if I’d walked into that room and everyone was talking and eating and laughing? I keep reliving that night and remembering the rage I felt as I walked across the garden. You were dead—lost forever, I thought—and I was pursuing Ignatius. I can’t deny that.”
“That doesn’t mean you would have murdered him in cold blood!” I exclaimed. “Let alone murdered his entire family!”
“But how can I be sure of that?” he asked in a tortured voice. “I may not have murdered anyone that night, but that doesn’t mean I’m not capable of doing it. The most powerful mages in Tartora are convinced I’m a terrible person. What if they’re right?”
“Stop!” I took his face between both my hands, forcing him to look me in the eyes. “The Triumvirate didn’t think you were suited for the throne—that’s hardly the same as being a mass murderer. Do any of us truly know the depths of what’s in our hearts? We can’t judge ourselves by what we might have done if circumstances were different. We have to look at what we did do.”
I tried to think how to make him understand and stop blaming himself. “Would you give yourself credit for something good you might have done if only you were in a different situation?” I asked. “If not, then you equally can’t judge yourself for something bad you might have done if the surrounding circumstances were changed. It’s our actions that matter. I’ve had plenty of time to think about it since then, and I trust you, Nik. No matter how angry you were, I don’t believe you would have started killing people indiscriminately. And the very fact you feel this guilt now—despite doing nothing except defend yourself—proves you’re not going to do it in the future. It was wrong of me to make such a terrible assumption, even for a moment.”
He was shaking beneath my hands, but gradually the shivers ceased, his body going still.
“Do you really believe in me so much?” he whispered.
I held his gaze steady. “I do. I love you, Nikolas of Tartora. It doesn’t matter what the Triumvirate think. You are a good man.”
He gave a reluctant laugh. “They might be surprised to hear you say that.”
“That’s their loss, then. You may not be suited to be king, but you could be an excellent prince, if they’d let you.”
His arms wound around my waist, pulling me close. “If that’s true, it’s because of you, Delphine. You showed me a different way to think about myself.”
My hands slid up to his neck, my fingers curling in the hair at the back of his head. He closed his eyes and sighed with contentment.
“I wish we could always be like this,” he murmured against my hair. “Just you and me alone here.”
I pulled back slightly so I could see his face. “On this island? Do you like it so much here?”
His face clouded. “It’s not the island specifically. I just like being away from everything—with you.”
I bit my lip. “Don’t you want to go home?” I hesitated. “You know we have to, right? We have to go and find out what’s happened with Grey. I can block his mesmerizations, and even purge them, and for now I’m the only one who can do it. We can’t just abandon Tartora.”
He sighed again, but this time it sounded heavy and sad. “I know. And I would never seriously suggest we stay. I want this moment to last forever, but I know it can’t.”
He pulled further away from me, and the movement hurt with a pain that was in my heart, not my body. I could sense the movement was symbolic. Despite clearing the air between us, despite reaffirming our feelings, Nik was still pulling away from me.
“Sorry,” Luna said ruefully from the doorway, making us spring the rest of the way apart. “I gave you as long as I could, but Amara really does want everyone there for this meeting.”
“No, no. Of course!” I flushed, hurrying forward to join her while carefully not looking at Nik.
He seemed less flustered, giving a low chuckle as I rushed past him. But he refrained from saying anything, picking up Ember for me and falling into place behind Luna and me as we hurried for the dining hall.
I thought I’d have to endure three more sets of knowing eyes when I reached the table, but Hayes, Clay, and Amara barely looked our way. They had fallen silent at our approach, but there was no denying the charged atmosphere in the room. I just couldn’t tell if the tension lay between the three of them or was due to the interruption.
I faltered as I slid into my chair, glancing questioningly at Luna. She was looking between the three of them, an interested gleam in her eyes. I could almost see her leaping to her own conclusions.
I looked at the older three again, trying to see them from Luna’s perspective. Amara did look less calm than usual—possibly even flushed—and Clay was determinedly looking out a nearby window. Only Hayes remained calm, although his gaze kept going to Amara’s face, as if drawn there irresistibly.
“Do you think people can change?” Luna chirped into the awkward silence around the table.
Nik started noticeably, but Luna was too absorbed in the situation with the others to even look his way. Apparently, she wasn’t talking about us or our conversation.
“That’s a broad question.” Amara took a bite of her meal, speaking with her usual calm, although I knew her well enough to recognize an underlying agitation.
“I guess I don’t mean the people themselves,” Luna clarified. “Do you think people can change what they want out of life?”
“That’s a question I’d dearly love to know the answer to.” Hayes was still looking at Amara, but she was staring fixedly into her plate.
