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“Stop!” I hear behind me. I stop and look, and there stands the man who Honey called Raider—our son. I see the strong resemblance. Billie was right, but Raider looks more like me and Reaper when we were younger. “This is where my mom does her job. We can’t cause her to be kicked out. She needs to be the professional that she always is. Her work is a big part of who she is.” My son is loyal to his mom. I should have that same loyalty from him, but Honey took that chance away from me. I don’t know how to handle a grown son, especially one with a chip on his shoulder, without knocking the damn thing off. That wouldn’t end well for either of us.
“Do you know who I am, son? I sure as hell didn’t know about you or your brother before today. I didn’t even know why I was here today.” I tell Raider the truth.
“I’m not your son. Just because your blood runs through my body doesn’t make you a dad. A dad is there every step of the way when his son is growing up, for the good times and the bad. I had only my mom, and she became not only a great mom but a great dad too.” Raider slices open my heart with his words.
“Maybe we need to think about what happened today and be glad everything is now out in the open. Everyone can start to heal from this.” Billie speaks up in her soft voice. My son is a lucky man if he doesn’t fuck this shit up. I know it and I only met Billie today.
“How can you say that to me?” Raider raises his voice.
“Simmer that temper, boy!” Reaper speaks up before I have the chance. If looks could kill, Reaper would be spliced open in the middle of the floor. Raider might take a swing on Reaper.
“Mind your business, old man. Billie is my woman, and I will speak to her the way I want to.” Billie’s spine goes stiff. “Billie, this is none of your business. Keep out of it. Why are these men taking your side in this? How do you even know these men? I knew I shouldn’t have let you come here today by yourself.”
Billie takes a step away from Raider and I see the hurt written all over her face. More than that, I see that Raider crushed this girl’s heart when he spoke to her that way.
“Billie and I became friends today. She thought you, Reaper, and I resembled each other, and she asked us if we knew you.” Raider curls his nose at that. He looks at Billie.
“You talked to a man from another club without me here? I knew you were too naïve to come to a resort by yourself.” Billie is shocked, and it’s written all over her face. “Come on, we’re leaving. We can go to Mom’s room and wait on her there.” Raider grabs Billie’s hand and she looks around to make sure no one from the signing is within hearing earshot or is watching them.
“No, Raider, I won’t go with you now and never again until you can find your damn mind. I am mature enough to run a farm and help with my brother and sister. I’m old enough to pay taxes. I had a father growing up and I’m not looking for a replacement. You all can stay out here and make spectacles of yourself. I’m going back in to enjoy the rest of the signing without all this testosterone around.” Billie turns to look at Reaper, Skeeter, and me. “It was very nice to meet you all today. I hope to see all of you again. For what it’s worth, I’m glad Raider found his dad and family today. I lost my dad five years ago. I would give anything just to see his face again and hear him tell me he loves me one more time. Some people just don’t know how to count their blessings.” Billie turns and pulls her wagon back into the event room without even looking at Raider.
“Whoever lands that woman is one lucky fucker,” Reaper says with a laugh. “I wonder if she has an older sister or maybe Billie herself is into older men. You’re older than her, aren’t you, junior?” Reaper winks at Raider. I grab my brother while one of Raider’s guys grabs him.
“Old man, Billie is mine. You keep your filthy eyes off her,” Raider seethes.
“Damn, I forgot what a hot temper I used to have. You are like looking in the mirror at myself twenty-five years ago.” Both men calm down and step back. I wasn’t lying. My temper has calmed with my years.
“What are you talking about, fucker? You tore the clubhouse up just last week. You still have that temper, the same way I do. That’s why we always get our hands dirty.” Reaper speaks again without any malice in his voice.
“I know about your club. I know you’re one-percenters without the patch. Just because you call your club an outlaw club doesn’t mean you’re clean. It just means you don’t get caught. Two totally different things. Oh, and we finished the job you started with the Brotherhood today.” Raider thinks he’s getting to me. The truth is the truth, but I’d like to hear more about what happened with the Brotherhood.
“I didn’t know your mom was pregnant when she left, or I would have never let her leave. She said she came back. I don’t know shit about either time. I never gave her a message and I don’t let other people speak for me. I’m a damn man and I speak for myself. I loved Honey and I still have feelings for her, but she left me. I don’t chase women. I haven’t chased one woman in my life. If Honey wanted to leave, and she did, she was free to. I don’t hold women against their will.” I sigh and then rub my hand down my face. It’s been a long fucking day. “If I had known about you and your brother, I would have supported your mom the entire time she was pregnant and every day since then. I don’t have other children. Honey was correct. We never discussed having babies either. If she had told me, I would have been happy. I would have been one lucky bastard and I still am. I would have loved to have watched you grow up. I might have even changed a stinky diaper or two.” I stop when I feel my eyes burning from knowing all the things I’ve missed. Things I can never get back.
“If you had given a fuck about my mom, you would have gone after her. You would have moved heaven and earth for her. Like I would for Billie.” Raider stops and I swear I see tears in his eyes. He’s a man and doesn’t let them fall. “I have a motorcycle club, but it’s nothing like yours. Yes, I have intel on your club. I have intel on all the clubs in Texas. When Mom told me how your club was, I swore one day I would found a club and it would be nothing like yours. I’ve kept that promise to myself.”
“You see, I know about your club too. You’re small and new compared to ours. For every one club like yours, there are ten clubs like mine in this state. When a job needs to be done, we handle it, and no one takes our territory. Your club has never been in our way and therefore, we have never met as opponents. If we ever do meet that way, your club will be destroyed and our club will suffer minor injuries. We’re used to the risk. Can you say the same? I guess after today, you got a little taste of the way our lives are. We’ve been doing this for years and you’re still wet behind the ears. I matured as a man in the club. I was raised by parents who loved me. Through all my years, your mom is the only regret I’ve had but I can’t change that now. I was brought up in a different time than you. In my time, chasing after women was a sign of weakness. I am not a weak man.” That is more than I have ever explained myself to anyone. I have nothing else to say. I’m still stuck on the thought that I lost a son who I never met, who I was never allowed to grieve.
“That’s the biggest line of shit I have ever heard. If you loved my mom, then you would have gone after her. Women aren’t men’s weaknesses. They’re our strengths. If a man can’t see that, then they’re the weak ones. You need to stay away from my mom. If and when she wants to talk to you, she’ll reach out. You will find out, in case you forgot, Honey Miller is going to come out swinging and her aim is going to be at you. If she tells you to stay away, then stay away from her and give her some peace. If not, you will find out exactly how strong our club is.”
I have had enough for the day.
“What happens between your mom and me is our business and has nothing to do with you. Stay out of it, son. That’s the only warning you will get from me.” I look my son in the eyes and let him know I’m serious. He meets my stare head-on.
“I’m not your son, and anything to do with my mom concerns me. She is my responsibility and has been for a while now. She’s under my protection.” Raider makes me proud.
“I don’t think you can control either of your women. Billie left fifteen minutes ago, pulling her little wagon, without a saying another word to you. I think you’re in the doghouse. Your mom left five minutes ago, heading toward her room,” Reaper speaks up. Raider and his two guys run off toward the front desk. I turn to look at Reaper.
21
Billie…
I finally make it home from the signing a day later than I was supposed to arrive. My mom was understanding after I explained everything. After the hotel room quieted down, I stayed in with Penny.
I need to say that I like Honey. She is both kind and easy to talk to. We got to know each other better last night since I spent the night. I listened to her story about her and Rager. Then she listened to me about my doubts with Raider. I feel bad for Honey but I feel bad for Rager too. He lost his chance to meet Kagan while he was alive. Kagan’s life was short, but Rager still should have been part of it. Rager has his responsibilities in that as well.
No matter how bad I feel for Honey and Rager, I still feel the pain that Raider is feeling. I know I need to cut him some slack for his behavior toward me yesterday. Not that he and I won’t discuss him transferring his anger to me instead of dealing with it like he should. I keep telling myself that these are not skills he has had before and I need to take baby steps with him. My prayers are for peace for all of us.
I stayed with Honey last night so she wouldn’t be alone, and I could cool my own temper before I said things that I shouldn’t. Raider made it plain to me yesterday that none of this is my business. I think that’s what hurt the most. He wants to shut me out and not deal with me either. I will give him that play but I won’t beg him to come to me. That is up to him.
