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But it wasn’t self-defence. She made no threat to my life. Her hands weren’t on me. I killed her in rage.
And I didn’t feel guilty about it.
My guilt came from the heartache I was about to cause my dad.
“Elizabeth? Where are you?”
His footsteps came to a halt at the entrance of the garage. I didn’t have the courage to look at him and see the anger and disappointment in his eyes.
“What did you do? What did you do?”
I watched in disgust as he let out a cry of pain. She didn’t deserve his sadness or grief. She didn’t deserve me. She didn’t deserve him.
“She was having an affair. She said she was going to tell everyone you hurt her. She was going to tell everyone you tried to kill me as a baby.”
Tears ran down his face as his body shook with cries. He repeated the same question again and again: what did you do? His head rested on her chest as he cried.
I didn’t cry.
I didn’t move an inch.
I watched my dad mourn for the love of his life.
I let him grieve.
This wasn’t a man who abused his wife. An abuser doesn’t cry like a weak, pathetic mess.
“She was going to ruin you. I did this to protect you.”
He crawled over to me and wrapped his arms around me. “I know, son. But it’s my job to protect you.”
I looked at him when he pulled back. “Shall I call the police? Hand myself in?”
“No! I’ll lose you too. They won’t believe that you did this. They’ll pin it on me.”
“We can’t leave her here.”
He wiped his tears. “I know. Here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to bring my car into the garage. We’ll load her in and take her to your grandfather’s incinerator. Then we’ll go to my workshop. We’ll press her ashes into a diamond.” He began to cry again. “That way, she can always be with us. You made a mistake, but you don’t deserve to have your life taken away from you.”
“People are going to ask questions.”
“Fuck,” he mumbled. His eyes darted around the room as he came up with a solution. “We’ll say she left the country.”
The plan had too many flaws, but I either followed through or went to prison. I trusted my dad. He always promised to protect me.
He stroked her face before kissing her cheek. “I always said it was till death do us part.”
May 2024
Now that it’s back where it belongs, I lightly stroke the diamond. I still remember feeling sweat trickle down my forehead as we lugged her body into the incinerator. As punishment, my dad made me scrape her ashes out. It was the first time I was allowed to touch the machines and tools in his workshop.
We worked side-by-side as he taught me how to turn ashes into a diamond. The memories should come with unease, but I’m fond of them. It brought me and my father closer. He would have thrown me to the wolves if he hated me, like she said.
But he loved me harder. He took me under his wing and nurtured me through the paranoia. It felt like everyone was watching me. No matter how many years ticked by or how much he reassured me, the feeling of security never came.
Until I createdXR Securities.The company started as security for us, but for every level of protection I secured, I craved more. I wanted an impenetrable fortress around me and my dad. I wanted to know everyone’s move and be five steps ahead of them. So, I built and turned my need into a business that left me in control. One that shut down any questions about me, my father, my mother, Sara and Caitlyn. I made it so every board was in my control. That was my craft – my part to protect us.
For my dad, it always came down to the diamonds. Pressing ashes into diamonds takes months, and he guided me through it. When it was done, I was amazed at how beautiful a diamond is. He said it was my responsibility to keep her safe. It was a reminder of what I had done and who I became. Life was never the same afterwards, but it wasn’t all bad either. My dad always reminded me of the consequences of losing something. If you lose your temper, ugly things happen. If I lost this necklace, the truth would come out.
