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“No. She was in a bad space and made a mistake. No one can be blamed for an accident.”
She stares past me at the wall and absentmindedly nods her head. When she looks at me, I feel like dirt beneath her shoe.
“I refuse to accept that. Maybe she was drunk. Maybe she lost control of the car. Butwewere the ones that put her behind the wheel. You tell yourself whatever you want to help you sleep at night.“ She eyes me up and down. “Whatever story you’re selling yourself is clearly working. Today was the first time I’ve seen you look so well-rested. You should be falling apart. You should be drowning in the same guilt that I feel. But you’re listening to music. You’re drinking with your friend. You’re worried about the media and press. You’re sleeping like a baby. You know what they say about the guilty… onlytheycan sleep peacefully after the fact.”
She doesn’t believe in my innocence.
“You have no idea what I’m feeling. Do you think I don’t feel guilty? I feel it everywhere I look inside this house. I feel it when I look at you. The last thing she asked was if I loved you, and I answered yes without hesitation! Do you think I haven’t wondered if my honesty is what pushed her over the edge? I miss her, Savannah! I hate that I hated her. I hate that when I look at you, it reminds me of how much I hurt her. I hate that you can’t stand to be in the same room as me. I hate everything about this. I can’t breathe, but I don’t have a fucking choice! My guilt hasnothingto do with murdering her because I didn’t do it. I am done with you accusing me of murder every chance you fucking get!”
My chest heaves as we stare each other down. Something in my speech made a crack in her suspicions. I can see it in her eyes – they hold an ounce of sympathy.
“And the thing about a guilty person sleeping?” I ask. “That’s when they’ve been caught and are in prison.”
She looks around the room. “Then maybe I’ll sleep tonight. After all, I am your prisoner.”
34
ItseemseveryroomI’m in has a constant state of sombreness since Emery’s death. Before the news broke, people avoided eye contact out of fear. Now, it’s out of pity. I returned to work after one month. It was as uneventful as expected. Those who plucked the courage stopped by to give their condolences, but otherwise, it was business as usual.
Since then, another month has passed. Savannah returned to work two weeks ago. Our relationship has been curt and strained. She spends her days in her bedroom or Emery’s hideout. She’s become a recluse, only speaking to me as and when needed. Ray stopped by to check in on her, but even he had been cast aside.
Returning to work has been good for her. She smiled for the first time with Francesca yesterday. Jealousy didn’t make an appearance as I watched her eat with Ray. My patience is paying off because she’s warming up to me again.
My eyes remain glued to her as she watches the screen. Dr Roe was heartbroken as we shared the news of Emery’s untimely passing. Nevertheless, she points at the screen with an enthusiasm neither of us has felt in two months.
Savannah’s eyes lift to mine, and she smiles at me. “Only twenty-one days to go.”
Is her excitement to meet the baby or to finally be free of me? I’ve got a new game plan that will have her between my arms in no time.
I squeeze her shoulder. “Thank you.”
In a move that surprises me, her hand comes up and closes over mine. I give my first genuine smile, and she returns the gesture.
As we exit the clinic, Savannah turns to me. “Can we stop for some ice cream? It’s so hot today.”
If any individual told me I would grin like a fool at a request for ice cream, I would have ridiculed them for being an idiot. But here I am, smiling at her like she offered me the world.
I nod. “Yes. Anywhere particular?”
She thinks about it for a second. “Any ice cream truck. I want bubble gum and strawberry sauce. Oh! And a chocolate flake!”
My heart swells at her childlike excitement. “I know the perfect place.” Once we’re in the car, I make a call to Ray. “I need you to hold the fort at the office today.”
There is a moment of silence. “Uh… okay? Was everything okay at the appointment?”
I look at Savannah, who looks golden under the bright sun. “Yes. Perfectly well. Will you be able to handle it on your own?”
“Yes. Savannah should be back soon.”
At the mention of her name, she looks my way.
“No. Savannah is going to be joining me. We will be back at the office tomorrow.” I list a few urgent matters he needs to take care of before hanging up.
“Where are we going?” she asks.
“To get ice cream… from Bournemouth.”
Her mouth drops open in surprise. “I was talking about the van parked down the street from the office.”
