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And then I tentatively raised my other hand to finally feel his hair. At first my fingertips barely grazed the edges, but, before I knew it, my emboldened fingers were combing through the gentle waves. His curls were even softer than I’d imagined, smoother and more satisfying than puppy ears or a cashmere sweater. Adam leaned into my touch, seeming to enjoy it as much as I was.
He pulled away first, a rare, soft smile on his face, and I beamed at him like he was a game-show host who’d just announced I’d won a million-dollar prize. Maybe it was due to all the tension building between us the last few days, or maybe Adam was just a really good kisser, but the kiss felt momentous, even fateful. Like we were two halves of a whole meeting for the first time.
But I didn’t dare voice such unscientific thoughts to Adam.
“Good night,” I whispered. He kissed me once more before I floated off to my room.
I didn’t know if we were dating for real, if I wanted our relationship to keep going after the cruise, or how to evaluate his troubling theories on love. But I was starting to understand that there was something between me and Adam I wouldn’t easily be able to walk away from.
I came out of my room the next morning cautiously optimistic. I’d gone to bed in a rare state of single-minded clarity, worries about Grandma and embarrassment over my crazy family crowded out by the wonder of kissing Jenna.
I hadn’t started out the evening planning to ask her to date me, but I hadn’t been able to resist after all we’d shared. And I’d respected her boundaries too much to try to kiss her, but then she’d moved toward me, and our lips met in a magnetic pull.
Maybe it had been too long since I’d dated anyone and the novelty gave it more importance than it deserved, but even my exceptionally pragmatic mind was having a difficult time being rational. That kiss hadn’t seemed the mere culmination of hormonal exhortation—there’d been something more. Something I lacked the language to articulate.
Likely the only way to understand the experience accurately was to repeat it, but I was still wary of making Jenna uncomfortable. She hadn’t been totally certain about dating me after the cruise, and I respected that. She might not want to kiss again until we were safely on dry land, where she had the chance to rationally consider the prospect.
Jenna interrupted my thoughts by coming out of her room, wearing a blue dress printed with hibiscus blossoms and an enormous floppy hat—the kind of hat that could shield her from the sun... or provide a barrier around her face to prevent another kiss. She hadn’t worn it to Cozumel the day before.
I supposed that was my answer. No more kissing would be on the schedule. I wouldn’t press her for anything she didn’t want to give.
“Hi!” She flashed an enormous smile at me.
I tried to smile back, but I suspected I hadn’t done a very good job when her smile faltered.
“Are you... okay?” she asked hesitantly.
I crammed my hands into my pockets. “Yeah, great.”
She clearly didn’t believe me. “Are you upset about what happened last night?”
“Upset?” I repeated. “That we kissed?”
Jenna nodded, biting her lip.
“I’mveryhappy about that.” My tone was firm. “But I won’t try it again if you’re not okay with it.”
Jenna stepped toward me, face relaxing into a smile. “I’m very happy about it too.”
Aware of the potential for embarrassing myself, I nonetheless charged ahead. “Enough to want to do it again?”
She swept her hat off and tossed it onto the coffee table. “Yes.”
Sighing with relief, I reached for Jenna and wrapped my arms around her. I was just lowering my head to kiss her when she put a hand over my lips.
“Wait. There’s something I need to say first.”
“Okay.” My mind, the one thing I could always rely on, went completely blank, unable to generate a prediction for what she’d say.
“I need you to know that I still don’t know what I want after this cruise is over. I mean, if I want to date you.” She froze. “I mean, I do want to date you; I just don’t know if I can.”
“I understand.” At least I thought I did. But truthfully, I didn’t really care very much at that moment. I bent my head again.
“Wait,” she said again.
I stilled obediently.
“I also don’t want to be friends that kiss. Could we agree to date for the rest of the cruise and then re-evaluate when it’s over?”
