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Severin swallowed. “I’m to blame.”
Nikolaus turned tear-filled eyes on him. He didn’t try to deny Severin’s words—why would he? They both knew it was true. “I wish you would kill me,” Nikolaus said with sudden ferocity. “I wish you would kill me and not bring me back. I don’t want to live anymore.” He got to his feet and when Severin caught his arm to pull him back, Nikolaus lashed out at him, catching him a stinging blow across the cheek. “You’re right, itisyour fault. You ruined my life and left me homeless and worthless, nothing but a toy for any vampire who wants me.”
Severin took Nikolaus’s face in both his hands, making his lover look at him. “I’m not any vampire. I’m the one who loves you.”
Nikolaus’s eyes shimmered and spilled. He slumped against Severin’s chest and Severin held him close.
???
Nikolaus was full with wine and emotional. He fought a little against Severin—his torment and his pain and his true love. Severin loved him but how did Nikolaus reconcile that love against what it had cost him so dear? He had no one and nothing in the world but Severin, who was the instrument of his downfall but the keeper of his heart. And he’d meant every word about wishing to die. Never had he felt it so profoundly before. Severin could bite him, drain his blood, but Nikolaus didn’t want to come back as a vampire and endure eternity trying to erase the painful history between him and Severin. He only wanted all this to be over. This life, this pointless life.
Severin eased him back down into the chair and knelt before him and Nikolaus clung onto him and sobbed.
???
The three of them set off next morning in light snow to their final destination. None of them were well rested. Istvan had been out all night and Severin had held Nikolaus in his arms and brought what comfort he could. Nikolaus had slept for short periods and woken crying every time.
Istvan settled down to sleep and Nikolaus and Severin sat side by side on the seat not speaking. Severin was exhausted. Despite feeding last night, he felt weak with hunger and Nikolaus’s enticing blood appealed dangerously to him as always. He glanced at Istvan and wondered if his friend would spare him a sip. But Istvan would be cross with him. Severin had spent the night with a human and refused to touch his blood. Ludicrous. Istvan would not spare Nikolaus the same courtesy if he needed the drink. Severin continued to wonder what held him back from drinking from Nikolaus. He remembered what his lover had said. He wanted to die. He shivered and closed his eyes.
They arrived in Prague later that afternoon and Severin knew, glancing at his watch, that it was not yet dark. He looked at Istvan anxiously as he wound his cravat round his face and pulled on gloves. Nikolaus made sure both vampires were covered before he opened the carriage door, then slammed it shut again.
“It’s dusk and the sky is grey. Little worry for you both, I would have thought.” Nikolaus’s demeanour was that familiar cool one that he used after showing too much emotion to Severin.
“Wrong, human,” Istvan said. “You know nothing about it.”
Nikolaus regarded him confrontationally. “Then I’ll get out here and leave you to it.”
Istvan shrugged. “Fine by me.”
“And maybe I’ll rip the blackouts down before I go.”
Istvan snarled and sprang from his seat.
Severin darted between the two men. “What’s the matter with the pair of you?” He pushed Istvan back and looked warningly at Nikolaus.
Nikolaus crossed his legs. He looked unruffled. “So where would you have us lodge?”
“In the Old Town. Maybe on Karlova.”
Nikolaus rapped on the roof. “To Karlova.”
They crossed Charles Bridge. Severin would recognise the cobbles under the carriage wheels anywhere. He longed to walk down the bridge at night and touch the looming statues while looking out over the Vltava. Prague had always been his second home after Vienna. Maybe he had been a little obvious coming here. Emil was probably crossing the city limits right at that moment.
Nikolaus went to procure them rooms at a lodging house not far from the bridge. When he came back, he swung the door open wide. “It’s safe.”
Severin stuck his head out cautiously into the gloom. He climbed down with his bag and entered the inn.
Nikolaus locked himself in his room. When Severin knocked after bathing, the door remained firmly closed, no sound from within. There was no sign of Istvan. Severin sighed and went out alone.
It was a bitterly cold night. Severin crossed the narrow road and passed under the Old Town Bridge Tower. The bridge stretched out before him, silent and dark. The sky was clear, a strip of velvet patterned with diamond stars. Severin walked slowly. No one was about. He stopped by the statue of St. John of Nepomuk and looked down at the inky water. A solitary swan glided under the arch of the bridge leaving a delicate trail through the black river.
Severin tried to clear his mind but his thoughts returned time and time again to Nikolaus. His lover seemed to alternately love and despise him. Why come all the way to Prague with Severin and Istvan? Now he was here and safe from Emil, would he disappear, never to be seen again?
Severin clutched the stones of the ledge before him, scrabbling with his nails. What was he going to do if he lost Nikolaus as suddenly as he had found him? Hunger gnawed at him but he was in no rush to move from his position of introspection on the bridge. His chest ached and he rubbed it anxiously. A sudden feeling of dread speared him. Something was going to happen. And now.
He looked around and froze as he discerned two figures emerging from under the bridge tower.
Chapter Nineteen
