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If only the one person I never want to see around wouldn’t keep showing up. I’ve managed to avoid any more contact with him, limiting the time I spend at parties with other local college kids. Mainly, I stick to the house parties by Sierra Cove University, or the ones thrown by a group of guys living in a fraternity beach house owned by SCU.
Unfortunately, the memories of that night in high school don’t leave my head. Not for one second. Even now, they swirl around, intruding, and rude, and fucking clear as day. Why can’t these be a blur, too?
A tear slides down my cheek as I try to push it away. I can’t escape it. I try so hard to forget but never can seem to. No matter how much I drink it away, smoke it away, fuck it away, it’s still there. Always lingering. As time passes, it takes up more and more space in my head. Yet I continue the vicious cycle in hopes one day something will work.
I sit up in bed, the eerie sounds of my empty apartment not comforting at all. Everyone is still home on break, and after the tragic passing of Madison’s brother, Mason, I don’t know if Madison or Asher, Mason’s best friend, are coming back. The whole situation is awful, and our friend group changed in ways I never would have imagined.
There are still two weeks left of winter break, and the time looms ahead of me, stretching far and wide. I lie back down and pull the covers up to my chin, then I roll onto my side and curl into a fetal position.
Maia and Everleigh will be back next week, though, and I can’t wait to hear sounds of life again.
If I stay here any longer, I’m going to explode. Ignoring every last feeling of guilt and regret filling me, I pull out my phone from underneath my pillow and begin texting my top couple of booty calls. After an hour passes, I text more random hookups, feeling more pathetic by the second.
I doubt anyone’s around. Dammit. I should download Tinder instead of relying on these college dudes who disappear at every break. I mean, I know it’s normal to go home, but I wish more people stuck around.
Being home for one week was enough, never mind four. I love my parents, don’t get me wrong, but they’re always working extra shifts, and being alone in a big house is worse than being alone here. Especially considering I don’t talk to anyone from high school anymore. But that’s besides the point. Sierra Cove was the farthest away my parents would approve of if they were to help with financial aid, wanting their only child to remain close. But after last summer, when I almost died of boredom and my part-time job cut all my hours, I decided I’d only come back for short visits.
So here I am. Bored and alone but in my own place. I should just order some takeout and watch a bunch of stand-up comedy. Stuff myself with food until I puke. Or down the rest of the wine from last night?
Starting with takeout food, I order all of my favorites from the local Chinese place. Once the crab rangoons, dumplings, and lo mein are on their way, I shower and change into a pair of warm fuzzy pajamas with thick socks. I toss my long red hair into a messy knot on the top of my head and settle down on the couch in the living room to wait for my food.
With a stand-up comedy playing and a cold soda poured, I’m ready to chill out and enjoy my company.
The buzzer sounds fifteen minutes later, and I jump up, excited, my mouth already salivating over the salty, delicious food. I throw on a hoodie over my pj’s, slide on my slippers, grab my phone and keys, and rush downstairs to the lobby.
We live in a big apartment building where a lot of other college kids rent too. Including some of our guy friends who rent a place on the floor above us.
When I walk into the lobby, I see the delivery guy holding a bag of food but I also see someone talking to him. As I get closer, I recognize the sandy-blond hair and gray Jordan sweatpants down to the fresh J’s on his feet. Holden may be a bit nerdy and obsessed with video games and comic books (which I only know because he loves to talk adamantly about his passions when he’s drunk), but damn does the boy dress nice. Gray sweatpants and all.
What is he doing here? Didn’t he go home for break? And why is he talking to my delivery guy?
“Hey, order for Lennox?” I say as I walk up to them, and Holden spins around, a grin stretching across his cute face.
“Here she is! I was trying to get him to give me your food so I could bring it up to you, but he insisted he give it to you,” Holden explains as I take my bag of food.
“That was nice, but I’m a big girl.” I wink at him as the delivery guy scurries away mumbling something about college kids.
“Yeah, and? Is chivalry dead or something?” he asks as he holds out a hand for my bag of food.
“Fine, you can carry it up for me, but you don’t get any of it.” I hand him the bag with a flirty smile.
“Aw, but Chinese food is one of my favorites. Besides…” Holden holds the bag up higher and pretends to drop it down like it weighs a thousand pounds. “This just for you or your roommates, too?”
I laugh as we begin climbing the stairs to the third floor. “It’s definitely all for me. And you shouldn’t judge a girl on how much she orders.”
Holden holds both hands up, my food flying by my nose and making my stomach rumble. “No judgment here. I’m just selfishly hoping there’s enough for me. So when did you get back from break?”
“Right after Christmas. Both my parents were working, and it was just too quiet for me.”
“Yeah, I came back last week, too. All of my roommates are still gone, though.”
“Mine too. I wish I’d known you were back early. It’s felt pretty lonely around here.”
“Want some company now?” Holden asks just as we reach my door.
“You just want my food,” I tease and nudge him in the side before he follows me into my place.
“No, never. I could never impose like that. But if you’re up for sharing.” He shrugs and looks away. I know he’s trying to hide the grin on his face. It doesn’t last long, and soon he’s smiling like a kid who won a prize. The prize being my dinner.
