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Now if only I could believe it, too.
Later that evening,I text Holden and ask him to meet me at the beach across the street from our apartment building.
I arrive thirty minutes before I told him to and lay down a blanket for us to sit on. I watch the sun begin its slow descent as it sets on another day.
Most of the day was spent crying in Everleigh’s arms. We confessed and shared so many secrets with each other, I now feel so much closer to her.
A cool breeze rustles my hair, and I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them.
When Maia came home, I told her everything and cried some more. Then I told them the decision I made while alone in the hotel.
I’m going home for the summer to work on myself. I need time and space to start this journey of healing. And I don’t see it happening here. There are too many distractions around, especially a particular one in the form of a sexy nerd.
I need to confess to my parents and maybe press charges. I don’t know. It’s all so confusing, but that’s why I need help and guidance. I need to face my demons head-on instead of constantly running.
It will hurt like hell, but fighting for my happiness is worth every second.
“Hey, you.” Holden’s voice wraps around me like a warm comforting blanket, and I realize just how much I missed it these past few days. He sits down next to me and smiles. “How are you?”
I turn my head toward him and offer a half smile but look away quickly. I suddenly feel timid, embarrassed, and I don’t know what to say. So I start with what I know I need to say.
“I’m so sorry, Holden. You didn’t deserve any of my anger that night.”
“No, Len. I’m sorry. If I had known what he did…”
“But how could you have? That’s no one’s fault but mine. I just…I couldn’t…” I sigh and stare at the dark water.
Holden lays a hand on my back, and fuck, the comfort it brings is unmatched. How does he do it?
“It's okay. You don’t have to say anything or explain. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you seeing him around campus or hard it must be having to go through this.”
“I want to explain. I don’t want to hide anymore, Holden. Especially not to you.” I look at him with tears pooling in my eyes. I shrug and attempt a half smile as those tears now fall. “You’ve been so good to me. More than any other friend ever has. I’m so sorry I hid who I was from you and kept secrets. It was easier to ignore the pain than deal with it. But no matter how far I run, it’s still there.”
Holden wraps his arms around me and pulls me onto his lap. I don’t fight him because I want, I need the comfort. At this moment, I need it so bad.
Through many tears, I tell him everything. Who I used to be, what happened with Aaron and the threats he made, and how I’m so lost now, a different person that I created as a shield from the pain.
And then I tell him the part I don’t want to but know I have to. “Our pact needs to end.”
He doesn’t say anything, but his actions speak loud. His arms hold me tighter, and he kisses the top of my head.
I bury my face in his chest. “I need time, Holden. Time to heal and focus on myself. And I can’t do that here. I’m going home for the summer.”
Holden loosens his grip and leans back. He hooks a finger under my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes. “Whatever you need to do, I’m here for it. But can I ask you one question?”
His gaze is so intense it sends shivers up and down my spine. “Sure.”
“Can I kiss you one last time?”
I search his piercing baby blues with my own bright emerald ones, so many unsaid things passing between us. My heart pounds in my ears, and my breath catches in my throat. A tear slips down my cheek as I nod my head.
His one kiss turns into two and then three, and soon we’re frantic, pawing at each other's clothes. He pulls his shorts down just enough to pull his cock out and I hike my skirt over my hips and around my waist, pulling my panties to the side with one finger.
When he sinks into me, I moan, a relief washing over me I haven’t felt since last being with him.
How does he make me feel like this?
So warm, so comforting, so loved…
