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By the end, April jumped at her tone. She’d never heard her daughter so angry before. “I know you’re upset. I can see that. We didn’t do this to make you angry. It actually has nothing to do with you; this is all about us. Okay? You have to understand that.”
“I find it hard to believe. You guys were doing just fine and then I leave for school and within a week you’re getting a divorce.” Georgia kicked her feet out, heels hitting the wooden step beneath them, toes skipping rocks across the driveway. “Sounds like it’s related to me.”
April considered her words carefully. This was a tightrope she had to walk and she was terrified of heights. Before Georgia found out so suddenly, she thought that she would have time to think of the right things to say. Now, every stereotypical line in every movie and show about divorce flew into her head at once. Which ones worked for them?
She had also hoped that Carl would be here to help. Together, they could have been more reassuring. They could’ve rehearsed something nice. Georgia would have understood and had time to process.
It should have been her first clue that he was off to another country to check out the circus.
Instead, she was on her own, going off book. “Your father wanted to travel around for a while. We decided that it would be best for us to split. Looking at it now, it was a long time coming. But I think we waited until you were gone to college so that things weren’t messy for any of us. We still care about each other, but it’s best if we’re not together anymore.”
Georgia’s face was turned to the side, but April could see tears fall from her cheeks. It took everything not to reach over and wipe them away. This was her little girl. But she wasn’t so little anymore. She was processing on her own, learning her feelings. It was natural, like growing pains. And April had to leave Georgia to do this by herself, no matter how much it hurt her.
“He wanted to travel? That doesn’t make any sense. He… he wouldn’t divorce you because he wanted to go on vacation!”
The sobs stung April in the chest, making it harder and harder to breathe. Her shoulders tensed up to her chin. “It wasn’t like that. We grew apart. And it’s not just a vacation. He’s chasing his dreams, trying to see the world. And I needed to come here and figure out my own dreams. I was stuck in a rut, too. My life had become work and it was awful.”
“It’s my fault.”
April touched her shoulder gently, trying to turn her, and look straight into her eyes when she said this. But Georgia barely looked up from the ground. “It is not. None of this is your fault. You can’t put this on yourself.”
Georgia shook her head. “It is. None of this would have happened if you didn’t get pregnant with me.”
Her heart shattered into a million pieces. Tears pricked the edges of her eyes, nearly falling down her cheeks. The only way to keep them in was to remember that it wasn’t true. “All of my choices were my own. And getting pregnant with you was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You are my everything.”
“And yet you couldn’t step away from work to send me off to college. You had to work to take care of us. If I wasn’t born, you could have followed your dreams from the beginning and I wouldn’t have been such a burden!”
Now Georgia looked directly into her eyes and she saw all the pain they held. It was everything she’d been avoiding. Not being able to say no had taken over her life so much that it hurt the one thing that mattered to her.
She couldn’t hold them in any longer; the tears ran down April’s cheeks. Wind began to brush them away as it slowly became stronger. She yelled, as if that would get the point across better. “No! You are not a burden! You never have been!”
It was so clear now that her daughter had to do so much without her that it became a part of Georgia’s life. She was independent and stronger than she had to be because her mother wasn’t always there to help her.
“If I’m not a burden, then why did you and Dad wait until I left for college to divorce?”
April knew it wasn’t because her daughter was a burden, but because they didn’t want to become burdens to her. Still, the right words weren’t the ones that came out. “That’s not it. We waited because we didn’t want you to worry about it.”
“That’s just you protecting me, again. Which means I was the reason for your decision! I’m the reason you guys didn’t get divorced years ago!” Georgia rose to her feet and crossed her arms in front of her chest.
“Honey, please. Let’s just talk about this. There’s so much I want to tell you. You are not a burden to anyone. All I want is for you to live your life. It’s my fault this is all happening.”
By then, Georgia had made up her mind. Nothing April could say would have made things better. “You’re not listening to me! It’s all my fault!”
Georgia’s feet were fast as she ran towards the stairs to get to the beach. The wind began to pick up and April noticed the darker rain clouds rolling in. Not only was it the worst time for the news of the divorce to drop onto Georgia, but it was also the worst time for the rain to come.
April knew she didn’t say the right things. It seemed like she couldn’t do anything right some days, but this day especially. Divorce was a challenging topic for any family. Breaking up a relationship impacted everyone, not just the two involved.
If only she could have brought it up like she wanted to. Things would have been much easier. Georgia would probably have had the same reaction, but at least they would’ve been inside, comfortable, and more prepared.
This day was a disaster. Her life had only gotten messier since she came down to the island. Everything was going wrong. Feeling defeated, she forced herself up and followed the stairs down to the beach.
“Georgia!” she yelled down the stairs. “Please, come back. Let’s talk about this!”
Her daughter didn’t respond. Thunder rolled above them in the dark clouds. “This storm is going to be bad. Please come back!”
But Georgia didn’t turn around. She simply ran slowly down the beach, her feet caught in the sand. “I’m coming down there to help you!”
Before April could take one step down the wooden stairs, more thunder roared, only closer this time. It was ongoing and loud from behind her.
