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“It’s one my brothers and I got together. It’s my family. My father, his name was Phillip, he represents the base-filled triangle. His three sons, us, are the other triangles. We form a solid mountain together.”
“That’s really creative.” She sipped her water glass carefully, as if she were afraid to ask her next question. “What happened to your father?”
“He died of a heart attack when I was about five or so. I barely remember him. Adon and he were close. He was about ten when Papa died. Rhodes was eight. My mom had to start working again after he passed. She cooked in a Greek restaurant until she died when I was thirteen.”
Her blonde hair fell over her shoulder as she tilted her head with a little sigh. “Oh. That’s so sad. So, you grew up without your parents, too. What did your mother die from?”
“Breast cancer.” I swallowed my bite. “When you wrote to me about your mom, I felt like I could relate to you. But I had my brothers and my aunt. Maria helped to take care of us once my mom passed. Adon, my oldest brother I’d told you about in the letters, he has two kids, so I have a niece and nephew, too. You were left alone.”
Her bright blue eyes sparkled. “Well, I had you.”
“Youhaveme.” I smiled at her, then placed my lips on top of her head.
She took a bite and swallowed. “Eli?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you tell me about my dad? What did he do when you guys worked together? Was he a mechanic, too? What was he like?”
Fuck. Suddenly, I lost my appetite. Pretending everything was normal, I shoved a big bite of pasta in my mouth and chewed for a minute, mumbling, “Sorry, mouth full.” Essa never really asked much about him before, and any time she had, I just gave her some answer that seemed to work. Now, I felt put on the spot. Talking in person was a lot different from crafting my words carefully on paper. Slowly, I cleared my mouth before continuing. “Uh, he was, um… I think I wrote to you before. I didn’t know him very well, but he was a good businessman. He always had a smile on his face, like you.” My finger tapped the end of her nose and her little mouth grinned.
Hoping that was the end of it, she took another bite, but continued. “What kind of business was it? What were you doing before?”
Shit. Fuck. Balls.
“Essa, I did too many drugs back then. You know that. You knew I was arrested for dealing grave dust.”
“I remember… but you’ve been sober ever since.”
“Yeah.” Clearing my throat, I debated how much I should tell her. “Your dad was one of our suppliers.”
Her eyes narrowed as she stared at the table in front of us. “Oh.” Rolling around her fork on her plate, her shoulders slumped.
“Are you okay?” Throwing my arm around her, I pulled her into me. It couldn’t be easy to hear that her father wasn’t a hero.
“Yeah, I mean, it makes sense. My neighbor told me people would come and go at all hours when my dad was alive.” She chewed, and I thought the subject was finally closed, but she asked, “How did he die?”
A million things I could or should say flashed through my mind in one millisecond. I leaned away from her with one elbow on the table, holding my chin and stroking my scruff slowly. Her innocent eyes melted into the side of my face as she flicked her long hair over her shoulder to await my answer. I didn’t want to hurt her or cause her any pain. In two seconds, I made up my mind. I was going to lie to her.
“I’m not sure.”
It wasn’t a complete fabrication. Yes, I was there the night he died, but I didn’t remember what happened. Davis says I killed him. Dixson says I was wasted. Kara was there somewhere, as was Pete’s girlfriend. It was all a scrambled mess.
Did that mean I didn’t kill her father? It wouldn’t hold up in a court of law. I’d probably still get arrested and sent to prison for life.
The violent shame and guilt flooded my soul again. For the last few weeks, I’d used Essa’s sunny disposition as a shield to ward off all those feelings.
Not anymore. The pictures all crept back inside me like a horror movie.
She could obviously tell a change in my demeanor, sneaking cursory glances at me out of the corner of my eye. I ignored her gaze as I paid the bill and put her in my car, driving in silence. Once I walked her to her front door, I bent down to kiss her one last time, trying to remember her apple scent that was now on me from our shower. Embracing her, I tightly squeezed, and whispered a goodbye in her ear.
I needed to leave this poor girl alone.
“Are you not staying?” Her bottom lip quivered slightly.
Clenching my jaw, I replied through gritted teeth, “No, baby girl. I gotta get up early tomorrow. Need to stay at my place.”
“But it’s Sunday tomorrow.” The breeze blew her long hair, twisting it into a tangle. My hand itched to reach up and straighten it for her, but I resisted.
