AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I’ll catch up with you soon, okay?”
Keeping my gaze locked on my car, I hurried to the driveway, forcing myself not to look back. It would hurt too fucking much to see the look on her face. Focusing on the road, I took off. Was I a monster for leaving her?
Instead of heading home, I drove to The Armstead. When I arrived, my shoulders relaxed, spotting that it was Dix working behind the bar and not Davis. Dix wouldn’t accuse me of being a murderer. I wouldn’t have to think about Kara, either.
“Hey, man! How’s it been? You avoiding us?”
“Nah, just avoiding the booze. Plus, been busy with work.” There was one empty stool in the middle of the long row. The place was crowded. All the booths were filled and most of the tables were occupied by older guys with leather coats and motorcycle patches.
“I hear ya. How’s that going, by the way?” Dix filled a few pints with tap beers.
“It’s good. Adon’s treating me well. Just moved to office manager. Can you believe that?”
Dix’s face brightened as he chuckled. “That is something I would never have guessed ten years ago.” He picked up a fresh glass. “You want some water or something?”
I sighed, my tongue desperate for whiskey. “Yeah. Water.”
Dix handed me one, then leaned over the bar. “You gotten laid yet, man? We can go out together after this if you need.”
“Twice today, actually.”
Dix’s shoulders stiffened. “Oh. Good on you. Back in that saddle.” He got busy filling some drink orders.
My phone buzzed in my pocket.
Essa
Hey, is there something wrong?
Before I could contemplate a reply, a second text came through.
Did I do something wrong?
Was it possible to die from guilt?
An older woman eyed me from a table nearby. She was hot for her age, curves rounding through every inch of the tight dress she wore. Long red locks fell down her back in a cascade of loose curls. Licking her mauve lips, she took a sip of her cocktail, then smiled demurely. Clenching my jaw, I decided to head home to think. Being in the bar would only lead to bad decisions.
During the drive, I thought about all the times in the last five years I’d tried to cut Essa off. Each time I failed, I wrote her another letter, knowing that I may have killed her father. If I stopped seeing her, if I cut her out of my life, she’d have no one. No one would be there to look out for her.
I owed Pete Monti. Whatever I did or didn’t do to him, I longed to right the wrongs I had committed in my life. In prison with nothing to do but think, I was desperate to be made pure. I thought helping his only child would be the best way I could make amends. It’s the entire reason I sought her out in the first place with that first letter. Never in a million years did I think it would lead to all this.
Whenever I was with Essa, I felt like I was reborn, made anew. Life seemed simple for once: just show up to work and pay bills, take care of my girl, be happy. A lifelong screw-up, I wanted to be someone different than the person I was before I went to prison. She made me feel like I could be that someone, like I could get a do-over.
This young woman was starting out life without anyone to guide her, teach her, or protect her. Learning to care for someone other than myself would be difficult, but I yearned for it just like I craved the soreness from a good workout. It would be good for me.
I could be her daddy. I hadn’t been just saying shit when I said it to her the first time we fooled around. Some deep hunger to show her the ways of life had been unleashed within me. I needed to make sure no one ever hurt her. Including me.
My only real romantic relationship had been with someone else’s girl, and that ended in disaster. This time I would be cautious, tender with Essa’s heart. I knew I had it, just as she had mine. It would be better for Essa if I was with her than not with her. And to be with her, I couldn’t tell her about that night.
It would break her to learn that the only person in her life who cared for her murdered her father. So, I’d lie. I’d omit. And we could be together.
Flipping the car around in the street as I made it to Rhodes’s house, I stopped before pulling into the driveway and cutting the engine. Sprinting down the side yard to my apartment, I unlocked the door and hurried inside. After grabbing an old paper grocery bag, I stuffed a few items in it, an extra change of clothes and my toothbrush. Then I headed back up to the car and raced to Essa’s.
After repeatedly ringing her doorbell, the porch light flipped on. When she opened the door, we stared at each other for a moment, her eyes pink and puffy with tears. Her little body now tucked in a sweatshirt and leggings, obviously dressed for bed. Dropping the paper bag on the stoop, I grabbed her in a tight embrace, picking her legs up to circle my waist.
“I’m sorry. I should have stayed. I’m here. I brought my stuff.” Latching my lips to hers, I carried her inside the threshold. She pulled back from my face with watery eyes.
“I thought you were mad at me.”
