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“Perhaps something less confrontational?” He glanced up at Matt. “Not so negative?”
“No, no.” Andras shook his head. “There ain’t a thing wrong with telling people upfront what he doesn’t like. Then he isn’t wasting their bloody time. No, the problem isthis.” He flew closer, snatched the pointer from Raziel, and whacked it against the screen so hard I was surprised he didn’t crack the glass. “D’you really thinkthisis attractive, man?”
I craned my neck a little to read the text, pretending not to notice that my shoulder was now pressed up against Matt’s. Raziel had indicated the problem was in the lines,“Not interested in guys half my age, and my time is very limited. Let’s not waste it, shall we?”
Andras took exception to“Looking for love, but this vers bottom won’t say no to a hookup.”
Whew. Yeah. Matt did need some help in this department. It wasn’t terrible, especially the part Andras was throwing a fit over, but it could probably be a little less cheesy and a little more tactful.
And thanks, guys. Thanks for making sure I now know my hot neighbor likes to bottom. That’ll help me hold on to my sanity. Thanks alot.
I was going to shrivel up and die before this conversation was over, either from embarrassment, unrequited horniness, or both.
Mercifully unaware of me losing my damn mind beside him, Matt exhaled. “So, what should I put instead?”
Both celestial assistants started to speak, but I beat them to the punch. “Why don’t you let me take a crack at it?” I held out my hand. “See if I can write something that works better?”
Matt turned to me. “You… You think you can?”
“Oh, honey.” I plucked the phone from between his hands. “I’m pretty sure I can come up with something better than this.”
He stared at me for a moment, then nodded. “Okay. Sure. I’m terrible at these, so…”
In unison, Andras, Raziel, and I said, “You are.”
His exasperated groan was hilarious and adorable. “Fuck all of you.”
I opened up the editing option and erased the godawful text that was already there. I started typing, but paused. “How, uh, how forward do you want this to be? I know it says you’re cool with hookups”—why was my face burning?—“but is that still what you want? Or do you want to focus on something more serious?”
Matt blushed too, and he half-shrugged. “I’m good with hookups. And if I’m dating someone, I kind of like to get the sexual compatibility out of the way before we waste too much time, you know?”
Raziel threw up his hands. “Good heavens. No wonder you’re still single! You’re supposed to meet people and—”
“Razi.” Andras sighed as he flew back to his perch in the crook of Matt’s elbow. “It’s the Twenty-first century. People hook up. Make peace with it already.”
From the disgruntled noise the angel made, he had no intention of making peace with it.
I chuckled, then cleared my throat. “Okay. Got it.” I started typing, calling on everything I’d ever put into my profiles, not to mention what drew my attention to other guys. Then again, I’d had a horrible string of bad luck with men, so maybe it wasn’t such a hot idea to model Matt’s profile after mine or theirs.
While I dealt with that, Raziel chirped, “What about photos? Because those”—he flapped a wing toward the phone in my hand—“aren’t going to work.”
Matt sighed as if this were exhausting him. It probably was. “What’s wrong with my photos?”
At the same time Raziel declared, “You need professional photos!”, Andras said, “Too many fecking clothes!”
I looked up from the screen. Matt’s exasperated, annoyed, and vaguely amused expression was hilarious. And… maybe a little attractive.
“So, what?” He let the sarcasm drip. “Should I get kill two birds with one stone and get professional nudes?”
Andras’s shrug suggested he thought that was the perfect solution.
Raziel, of course, tsked. “No. They don’t need to benudes. But, yes, perhaps some professional photos? Oh! Maybeafterwe’ve fixed up your wardrobe.”
Matt watched them for a moment. Then he swung his gaze to me. “I swear to God, if this takes more than a few days, bro code be damned—I’m moving in on that cashier just to get these two out of here.”
I kicked him. “Don’t you dare. I’ve got dibs.”
His expression turned plaintive. “And I’ve got…them.”
