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I closed my eyes and held him tighter. Tanner had been nothing but sweet and amazing from the start. He’d never given me a single reason to think he was disappointed in the version of me that existed offline. From the moment we’d first faced each other by the Point Park fountain, he’d been everything my online friend had been for four years, and so, so much more than that. And he’d never once let me think I was a letdown.
All that fear and second-guessing had been one-sided. All in my head while Tanner had been falling for me and loving me this whole damn time.
Maybe it really was long past time for me to listen to him instead of Keith, who thought I was unworthy of anyone, or even my own mom, who worried Tanner couldn’t possibly love someone like me.
Tanner loved me. And I believed him.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He pushed himself up and met my gaze, his face still flushed and sweaty, but his eyes full of concern. “For what?”
“For…” I sighed, shaking my head. “Doubting you?”
He studied me. Then he lifted off me, his breath hitching as my cock slid free, and he eased down beside me. “I don’t think you were really doubting me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I…” He hesitated. “Let’s get cleaned up. Then we can talk.”
He made a valid point, so we got out of bed and cleaned off the sweat, cum, and lube. We’d probably take a shower at some point, but this would do for now.
As we settled back into bed, he cuddled up close to me, an arm draped across my midsection. “When I say I don’t think you were really doubting me, I mean—I think you’d be doubting anyone in my position.”
“How do you figure?”
He offered a soft, sympathetic smile. “Baby. How long have we been friends?” He caressed my cheek. “How many times did you vent to me about going out with someone, but then feeling like they couldn’t possibly be interested?”
Oh. Hell. Sometimes I forgot Tanner was Nick, and that everything I’d ever said to Nick, I’d been saying to Tanner.
I like the guy,I remembered telling him after a couple of dates with someone.IDK, though. Pretty sure he can do better.
I swallowed. “Yeah, I guess it’s nothing new.” I rolled my eyes. “I swear, if I ever see my ex again…”
Tanner made an irritated sound. “If I see him, the gloves might come off.” He touched my face and softened his tone. “But you get what I’m saying, right? I don’t think you distrusted me. I think you distrusted the version of yourself that people have made you think the rest of us see.”
I blinked. Didn’t matter how long I’d known him or how many long, deep conversations I’d had with him—he could still catch me off-guard with how perceptive and intelligent he was.
I clasped his hand gently and kissed his palm. “You’re probably right. I’m, uh… I’m going to have body image issues for… I mean, probably my whole life.” I touched his face. “But I’m trying.”
“I know. And I meant what I said before. This?” He gestured at himself. “This isn’t an aesthetic or a style. Ihaveto train this hard because it’s what my job demands.” I shook my head. “It doesn’t make me better than anyone else. It sure as shit doesn’t mean anyone isn’t worthy of being with me.” His voice trembled a little as he added, “Especially you.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I’ve just spent a long time hearing…” My chest tightened just thinking about that ever-present voice in the back of my head, which was quieter now but still there. “It’s a hard thing to shake off, you know?”
“I bet. And like, your ex was already a dick for cheating on you and gaslighting you. Ruining your self-image, too?” Tanner made a disgusted sound. “I don’t understand doing that to someone. For any reason.”
“Neither do I.” I touched my stomach and grimaced. “It doesn’t help that Idoneed to lose some weight.”
“If you want to, then go for it. But there’s no pressure coming from me, okay?” His eyes were as sincere as his voice. “I love you. And I’m very attracted to you. Full stop.”
I smiled and leaned in for a soft kiss. As I drew back, I sighed. “I’m trying to ignore all this shit in my head. I really am. It’s tough, though.”
“I know. The body image issue thing and trying to ignore what other people have said—I get it. Just, you know…” He half-shrugged. “Meet me halfway. I’ll remember that you’re fighting against other people’s poison. All I ask if that you have some faith in me. That you remember when I say you’re sexy and you’re beautiful… I mean it.”
“Maybe when it comes to whether you’re good enough for Tanner,”Darren had said,“you should listen to Tanner.”
My cheeks heated and my throat tightened. Nodding slowly, I whispered, “I will. I do. It’s hard to—” I shook my head. “Iwill.”
Tanner’s smile was everything, and I couldn’t help shivering as he carded his fingers through my hair. “It’ll take time. But I’ve got plenty of time, so…”
