AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I can tell he’s super frustrated by the way he’s rocking on his feet backward and forward. He wants to move closer to me but is trying to stop himself.
Finally, the pent-up words he has been holding since I arrived here all start coming out. “How do you even defineus, Nat…?” His voice rises in strength but remains calm. “Am I just your brother’s best friend or your childhood crush?” His eyes are now darkening like I’ve seen before.
“The boy who took your virginity, or a man who has begged you for years to let me in, every time our lives crossed?” Even as he’s becoming emotional, his voice remains steady.
“Or am I just the stupid man who has loved you the whole damn time, only to have you push me away at every opportunity?”
His stare holds me, and he watches the shock dawn on me at his words.
“Which is it, Nat, cause I’m so fucking confused.”
How dare he bring me all the way to New York and lay this on me now. When I’ve got nowhere to go. My hackles are up, and if wants to push, then let’s go. It’s time to throw caution to the wind.
“You want me to defineus, Jordan! Fine. There is no US! And you know why? It’s so simple.” I point my finger at him in anger. “You. Are. Fucking. Married.” Asshole. He’s inching closer to me and I’m too busy yelling to stop him. There are only inches between us as I land the last blow. “Do I love you? Of course I do, and have every day since I was fourteen years old. But you were the one who threw that away and chose her anyway.”
His lips slam down on mine, taking my breath away. I want to push him off me. I’m so mad at him. But the anger, instead of making me push him, just feeds our passion. In the moment, I want this, his body against mine, lips taking what they want from me. Big strong hands, holding my body like a vice, not willing to let go.
Our tongues duel for control of the kiss. I feel the pressure of his right hand sliding down my back and settling on my ass.
The trigger snaps my mind to wake up. I shove him hard in the chest, knowing I don’t even need to say a word
“Say it again.” The tone is deep and demanding
“Say what?” I push harder yet he won’t let me go.
“You know what I want to hear.”
“No, it doesn’t matter. It will never matter. You married Sasha so it’s worthless. And I’m not this person. I will never be with a married man.”
Finally letting me go, he storms over to the window.
“Why the fuck did you wait until now? So many times, I asked you, almost pleading for you to tell me that, yet I got nothing in return.” He runs his hands through his hair in exasperation. His voice softens. “So why now, Natalie?”
“Because you can’t do anything about it now.” My heart drops, body shivering with the raw emotion of love, rejection, and confusion of what I’m doing. I can’t stand here and look at him any longer. I’ve turned away and am retreating toward my room before he can touch me again. I don’t know how many times I can stop myself from taking what he’s offering.
I hear him from behind me. “You just watch me.”
His words stop me, my feet frozen to the floor. My mind is racing as to what the hell that means.
Do I turn around and ask? My heart telling me no, I continue again into my room and close the door. I know he won’t follow me here.
Avoidance has worked for me for years, so now is going to be no different. By the time morning comes, he’ll have gotten over it and Sasha will be here waiting for him.
Slumping against the door, I decide I’m leaving tomorrow. He will have to find someone else to fix his shoulder. I can’t do this any longer. I’m giving up as his trainer before I’ve even had one chance to work on him. It’s just too hard!
By my going home, he can get on with his life and I can pretend to get on with mine.
My door might be closed but I can hear him storming down the hallway and stopping just outside my room.
“This isn’t over, Natalie, not by a long shot.” Then his door slams and there is silence.
Sitting on my bed, I’m still shaking from raw emotion. Not from being scared but the emotion of hearing that he loves me. I knew deep down he felt that way, but hearing him say it with such power behind it, I felt it right in the center of my heart. My poor bruised, battered heart. I have let my heart be walked on and I’ve shoved it aside for years. Always putting him first. I thought it was the right thing to do. Until now, where I see I have no option but to finish this once and for all. He won’t do it, so I need to.
* * *
I have been lying on my bed trying to read for hours, but I couldn’t tell you one single thing that has happened in the story. I tried to call Zara, but she’s out with Grant, and I don’t want to disturb her. I can’t talk to Xavier about this, he would get on the first plane here, and that’s the worst possible solution. He would kill Jordan. So instead, I’m just going round and round in my head trying to decide the best way to tackle this. Should I just book an early-morning flight and be gone before he wakes? Or wait until he leaves for his training session. I know timing couldn’t be worse because I don’t want him distracted. The coach will start benching him, the crowd will crucify him, because I’ve seen them turn on a dime. Or worse still, his distraction could lead to further injury of his shoulder with a hit or making a pass the wrong way.
Fuck, I’m so tired but know I won’t sleep. I need ice cream. He better have something decent in the freezer. I haven’t heard any noise since he slammed the door so that must mean he went to sleep, and Sasha hasn’t come home yet. I don’t even know how I’m going to face her.
