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Tonight will be just a memory in the distance.
And I will just be the sister of a friend from his small hometown.
JORDAN
I want to yell loudly but what would be the point?
I’m such a fucking idiot!
All I wanted her to do was acknowledge that there was something between us. So we could start exploring it. Work on how we could continue this while we were in different places. Hoping that maybe I’d walk away from tonight with a few kisses and lots of cuddling. I sound like such a pussy, but I just wanted to hold her.
Yet the moment she looked at me and begged me to be with her. To be the guy who took her to that next level of womanhood. I knew I should have said no. Instead, I talked to her about how she didn’t really understand the ramifications of how once we had sex that things would change. I acted all macho like I could handle it, but I was just concerned about her.
What a load of bullshit. I knew as I was spouting my wisdom, that wasn’t quite the truth, because tonight was going to ruin me too.
How the fuck am I going to be able to look Xavier in the face tomorrow after what I did tonight? I stepped over the line of buddies. But that’s not even the biggest worry racing around my head.
The line I stepped over with Natalie, I can’t take that back. Not that I want to but that’s the problem. I don’t want to step backward, I just want desperately to keep stepping forward. It’s just that Nat won’t let us.
I’m confused, pissed off, and gutted right now. She didn’t even give me a chance to talk it through. She made her mind up, and I’m not an asshole to push a woman when she is clearly saying no.
All this bullshit she was saying, that I need to go off and live my life, is just her running scared. What she was feeling was so huge it was overwhelming her. I know what’s running through my body and that is just from touching her. Everything would be a hundred times amplified for her with what tonight meant.
Stopping my truck outside my house, I don’t even remember driving from her house to mine. I know it’s not far, but still, it’s like my autopilot must have taken over, otherwise I could have ended up anywhere. The full moon is still shining bright down through the front window, and I feel like it’s almost laughing at me. How I struck out and lost the girl.
Well, you can’t lose the girl when you never had her to begin with.
Looking up, I see lights still coming from the living room and my brother’s bedroom, but I just want to stay here. Not move a muscle and not have to face anyone tonight. But I know my parents will have heard my truck pull up, and if I don’t eventually go in, they will come looking for me.
I try to close the front door without much noise so I can maybe just get past the living room archway and call out that I’m tired, going straight to bed. No such luck, as I turn from the gentle, calculated closing and find my mom behind me.
“Good party tonight, Son?” she asks in her normal cheery voice but maybe way too cheery for midnight.
“Yeah, it was. I’m tired, though, so going to head straight to bed.” Mumbling a little, I try to get my shoes off at the door before I get the lecture about dirty boots on the carpet.
“Just before you go, can you come in and see your father? He was waiting to talk to you.”
Oh God, can this night get any better?
“Sure.” I pad in my socks after my mom into the room where Dad is sitting in his favorite leather high-back chair, with the matching footstool. His glasses have slid down on the bridge of his nose and he’s peering down through them reading his paper. I’ve never seen anyone who reads every single word in all the paper—except the sport section. Where I’m the opposite because they are the only pages I do read.
Mom takes her seat opposite him in her comfy floral rocking recliner. You can just picture the whole look of the very traditional couple who never take one foot outside the square.
“Hey, Dad, what’s up?” To be honest I don’t really care, I just want to go to bed. I doubt I’ll be sleeping but I need space on my own to process.
He folds his paper in half, laying it on the table next to him neatly and then placing his glasses on top of it. Taking a deep breath that he lets out ever so slowly, I start to fear that something is wrong. But all too quickly that thought is kicked out and the boot is laid into me once again. With softness, of course.
“Son, I was talking to one of the managers at work today. Mentioning how your grades ended up and how we’re proud of them.”
Where the hell is this going and why now, late at night, three days before I leave? I’m running out of patience and snap more than I should.
“Do I want to know any more?”
“Jordan!” my mother says in her stern voice that means shut your mouth and respect your father.
“Sorry, Dad,” I grumble as he continues.
“Anyway, I know you think this football thing is your only way to get into college, but it’s not your only option. He said they’re looking for an engineering intern and would love to have you on board. He figures another Brandon working for the company could only be an asset. Before you say anything, he has contacts at a college where we could get you accepted, even at this late stage, and you would be ready to start first year with everyone else.”
