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Shutting off the shower and grabbing the clean towel, I don’t bother even drying myself properly before Tarek has the door open and I hastily try to get past him to make it out of the bathroom. He slams the door behind me.
My phone alarm starts going off, which tells me it’s time to get packed and be downstairs for team breakfast. If there is one thing you learn early in your NFL career, it’s to make sure you are where you’re supposed to be every single time, and don’t be late. This isn’t college ball anymore, and the expectations are higher than you can imagine.
After breakfast, I’ve arranged to meet Xavier for lunch before heading over to my parents’ for dinner.
I’m not sure why I inflict myself with the pain. Maybe it’s that I’m still trying to earn their acceptance of what I do, or some kind of acknowledgment for all I have achieved in my career. Their love is there, but it’s shallow at times, and it hurts. To be honest, over the recent years we’ve just drifted that little bit further away from each other, and I can’t seem to work out why. Maybe when I finally retire and have more time to spend with them, things will get back to where they belong.
At least I will follow the boring dinner tonight with a hot spicy dinner tomorrow night… and I’m not imagining the food right now.
* * *
“Buddy, it seems like forever since I’ve seen you,” I say. Xavier and I embrace in a man hug as he approaches the table. It’s one of the things I love about coming home. Real friends and just relaxing, being able to be me. No pretenses, not watching my words, just the authentic Jordan.
“Well, I can’t help it if your ugly mug is too busy off being some big-time sports star.” His wicked smile tells me he’s baiting me and waiting for a bite.
“Jealous much? Besides, the latest hottest player in the NFL voting poll would beg to differ on that ugly remark, bud.” I go straight back at him as we sit, and I signal the waiter for two beers. I can’t have more than one while I’m in season, but there is no way I’m missing having a beer with Xavier after it’s been so long.
“Touché, smartass. So, besides all the glamour, how’s life in New York? Tell me what I’m missing. I mean, not that I care, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now except for here, with Alesha.” The look on his face tells me what I’ve suspected every time we talked on the phone. He is totally gone over this woman.
“I’m looking forward to meeting her tomorrow night. I mean, any woman who puts up with this must be pretty cool.” As I wave my hand up and down in front of his face, he slaps me away.
“We watched the game together last night. She has no idea about football so at least I don’t have to worry about her going all gaga over you. Not that I’ve ever understood why women do that anyway.”
“Hmm, remind me why I missed you?” Pretending to ponder, I laugh at him as we both take sips of the beers that have been placed down in front of us.
“Because I’m such a great guy. Just ask me and I’ll tell you.” Now that’s the Xavier I miss.
“Oh, I know. I’ve heard the same shit so many times over the years, my ears are bleeding from the pain.”
“New York has not been kind to your sense of humor. Your jokes are getting worse the longer you live there.”
Both of us quickly look at the menu, as the waiter’s approaching us to take our order. Knowing that I have a few days of lunches and dinners, I have to be careful not to overdo it, so I just grab the fish and salad, even though I could go for the burger that Xavier is ordering. The break has caused the conversation to change direction.
We have some general talk about last night’s game and him checking to make sure I’m okay. We talk freely about it because I don’t have to worry that what I tell him will end up in some social media post on my current fitness. It feels a little like old times of when we played together and would spend hours after the game, picking it apart and working out what we could have done better for next time.
Our food placed in front of us, we dig in.
“How’s Natalie?” I ask. “I haven’t spoken to her in a while. Is she doing okay and still coming tomorrow night?” I try to keep my real interest hovering under the surface. The strange look on Xavier’s face tells me I’m not doing a good job of it.
“She’s doing great. Still the annoying sister like always, but I’d be lost without her. Watching her and Alesha get along so well is a big relief. I just wish we could find her a guy to finally settle down with.”
As he takes another bite of his burger, I can’t help myself. “So, she still doesn’t have a boyfriend? Does she date much?” I try to act surprised, yet totally fail. Yeah, good one, Jordan. Just put up the sign that tells your best friend that you are in love with his sister, the one who is totally out of your reach. And to make matters worse, that you’ve felt like this for a very long time.
“I keep trying to help her, but she just keeps telling me to back off. She even threatened yesterday to go find a husband and elope before I have time to give him the big-brother grilling. We both know she would never do that, but I got the message loud and clear to back off. Although it does make me worry about why she doesn’t seem interested in anything more than the occasional hook-up.”
Those words coming out of Xavier’s mouth make my whole body react.
The hairs on the back of my neck are up and the aggression is crawling up my spine. The thought of Nat with anyone else makes me want to storm out of the restaurant, searching until I find her. Then I would pick her up over my shoulder and take her back to my place like a caveman.
I would be totally overstepping the mark, and I have no right to even think like this. But that doesn’t stop me from desperately wanting to do exactly that.
She should be mine, and I should have sorted that out a long time ago.
Sometimes the decisions you make at the time quickly reveal themselves to be mistakes that are way harder to undo. Instead of making life easier, it just traps you in a place of misery.
Looking back, I just wish that I had seen the light a whole lot earlier. Instead of wasting time, I should have been convincing Nat that a life with me was what she wanted and that nothing else made sense.
Instead, I took the easy way out and let her push me away.
