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My whole life, my twin has been the one person I could turn to in a crisis—he’s the one with all the experience at navigating the dangerous waters of parental disappointment and disapproval. But even if he and Charlotte hadn’t just lost a baby, Freddy is the first person I should talk to.
I take a deep breath and pull out my mobile.
“Alex, how are you, love?”
“Do you have a few minutes?”
“For you, of course. What’s going on?”
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out.
“Are you certain?”
“What kind of question is that? It’s not like I’m some social-climbing miss trying to trap myself a Duke. It’s not even like I need anything from you. I just thought you should know.” The words fly off my tongue before I can stop them, even as I open the health app on my mobile and text him a screenshot of the results.
“Hold on there, love. Can you please give me a minute to catch up and process?”
I take a deep breath and hold it for moment before letting it out slowly. Maybe I should have waited until I could tell him in person. But I didn’t want to.
“I’m sorry, Freddy. I didn’t mean that. I’m just so…”
“Freaked out?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you made any…decisions?”
“No. Not really. After Charlotte and Duncan—well, I feel a little damned if I do, damned if I don’t.”
“Charlotte and Duncan’s feelings have no business in this. The only feelings that matter are yours and mine. But mostly yours, considering it’s your body.”
It’s a relief to hear him say that. I suppose, deep down, I was a little concerned that he might try to push me one way or the other.
“What are your feelings on the matter?” I ask, genuinely wanting to know.
“I’m content with whatever choice you make. However, if you decide to take the pregnancy to term, then regardless of how things go with you and me, I will be a fully engaged father, and I know that Pippa will want to exercise her rights as older sister.”
“Of course.”
Oh god, so much to think about. So many potential consequences regardless of my decision. And not all of them pertain to me.
“Alex, I mean it, I will absolutely support you regardless of the outcome. All I ask is that you keep me in the loop. Talk to me. Talk it out with me. Rage at me. Promise me that you won’t keep it all inside. I know that it’s difficult to know who to trust with your secrets. We’re in this together.”
“I can promise that. Thank you, Freddy. I should go.”
“Alex, I’d like to see you tonight. I want to see with my own eyes that you’re okay, and I’d like to hold you.”
“I don’t think that is a very good idea. I need to be alone with my thoughts for a bit.”
“This wasn’t me asking for a booty-call,” he says, sounding testy.
“I know. I’m not shutting you out. I just need to process.”
“Fair enough. Call me tomorrow, please?”
“I will.”
I disconnect the call and hug my knees to my chest.
