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“I thought you’d have gone home.”
“I wouldn’t do that without seeing you were okay.”
She raised her hands a few inches. “I’m okay.”
“What happened?”
“What we thought,” she said, going to the fridge to find only beer. Ha, well, that would do. “Silvio wants us to pin it on Bryan.” She twisted the cap off one beer and froze. “Me. He wants me to pin it on Bryan.”
Strat came over and she offered him a beer, which he ignored. “The Manzanis pinned this on Bryan. Whatever you do, none of this is on you, Immie.”
“Yeah.” She swallowed some beer. “Jagg says the same.”
“He’s right.”
She winced. “I just can’t shake the…”
“Ambiguity?” he asked, wearing an almost smile, though it quickly faded. “I never wanted you to know.”
“Wanted me to know what?”
“What it was like. Being in between worlds. Wanting the good while the bad is stronger.”
And that was it. The Manzanis were stronger. No matter how hard she, or anyone else, fought, they wouldn’t win. Hell, the feds and God knows how many cops and prosecutors would love to take the family down. Even with all their resources, they hadn’t managed it yet.
“You know, I always envied Ford. For staying with you. I always assumed you sent me with Mom because I was a girl and not quite so fun as my rough and tumble older brother.”
“I didn’t send you anywhere.” His hands rested on the island. “Immie, you’re my little girl, I can’t help that I want to protect you, that I want you to be safe. I want the same for Ford. I will protect him with everything I have. We’ve just been in situations where we had to prove that more than you and me.”
“You proved it this time. I’m sorry I was difficult about it. You’re so strong and Ford’s so capable. I see the two of you with Jagg, and you have this like group knowledge, an affinity. Being on the outside was… isolating. It’s like they got a part of you that you wouldn’t share with me. Then I see the way you are with Sersha…”
“I ruined your life. I fucked it up. I know I did. Since I figured that out, I’ve been looking for ways to put it right again. Now I’m seeing that it’s not possible.”
“Ruined my life? How did you ruin my life? By separating from Mom?”
“No! You were better off with her and with her whatever-he-is guy that got you through high school.”
“So when—”
“Princeton,” he said, providing clarity. “You had the opportunity to make something amazing of yourself and I was such an… asshole.” He banged his fist on the counter. “You didn’t go ‘cause I made you think you couldn’t do it. Parents screw their kids up all the time. I thought Ford was my mission and then you turned your back on…”
Putting down the beer, she went to hold his hand. “Princeton wasn’t because of you. Well, I suppose maybe it was, in that I… I got the acceptance, everyone was so happy, but I didn’t feel it. I didn’t feel what everyone else felt. A teacher said to me, life is choices. That’s all it is. It doesn’t have to be big pictures or forever choices. Decide what’s important to you and cling to it with all that you have. I didn’t want to be an outsider at some fancy university pretending to be someone I’m not. You, Ford, this damn city, you were what was important to me. Family.”
“We would’ve supported you no matter how far away you were.”
Her smile grew. “Funny thing is, I was so scared to tell everyone, Mom, Ted, teachers, everyone, but I knew—I thought… Even if no one else loves me, my dad will.”
Grabbing the back of her head, he pulled her close to kiss her forehead. “I do love you, sweetheart. And I don’t give a shit about some fancy degree. Your happiness is all that matters. I’m so fucking proud of you every minute.”
When she looked up at him, that was the truth of what she saw. Love, pride, and maybe a little relief too.
This was another of those moments. A choice had to be made. Not big picture or forever. She couldn’t see it as letting people down, she had to see it as keeping people safe. She chose family once. Nothing would stop her doing it again. The men in her life could protect her with fists. Her only weapon was a pen.
“I got an A in French,” she said, her lips curling.
“In what?”
“High school. You said Ted got me through high school, but he wasn’t the one to get me an A in French. I never thanked you for that.”
