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“And you believe that makes you and him the same?”
“A good man—a simple man—doesn’t lose control out of anger.” I shook my head. “I’ve never mastered mine. She deserves to feel safe. To know she’s not in danger.”
She pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes on me. “And you believe you’re a danger to her.”
“God, no,” I blanched, recoiling from the idea of ever hurting her.
“And you don’t think she knows that? Knows the difference?”
Throat thick, I watched the matriarch of our big, chaotic family chewing over her words before I admitted, “I don’t know. How could she not be afraid of a man like that? A man that nearly kills another in broad damn daylight.”
“Because there’s an enormous difference between masculine energy that uses his strength to control and manipulate, and a man that uses his strength to honor and defend, as the universe intended. Which are you?”
“I sure as shit wanted to controlhim.”
She laughed, the sound disproportionately light for the situation. “Well, I don’t think there’s a soul that’s had the honor of witnessing Noel that wouldn’t share that sentiment.” She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear as the wind picked up around us. “You’re being as obstinate as a mule, Jameson. Dig deep, baby. Listen to your heart—what’s she saying?” She sighed, shaking her head. “Sometimes I wonder if we didn’t speak your burdens into being when we named you.”
“What’s wrong with Jameson?”
“Yourmiddle name, darling.”
“Oh,” I laughed.Jameson Atlas Rhodes. “Always wished I could be a titan.”
“Yes, I’m aware,” she said with a long-suffering sigh. “It’s the burden he carries that concerns me. You cannot bear the weight of the world. As much as I know you wish you could save everyone. What you did last night was brave, if you ask me. You brothers all recounted it—Maverick ingreatdetail. You took her on as your own the instant you knew she was in need.”
“May have had an ulterior motive,” I admitted. “Just wanted her to let me touch her when I hadn’t earned the right to.”
She gave me a belly laugh that brought a smile to my own face. “Well, fair as that may be, I don’t believe for a minute your drive to protect didn’t step in there as well.”
“Fair.”
“Can you see the difference?”
“Between the two of us?” I clarified. When she nodded, I returned my focus to the water, contemplating the last several weeks. My gaze dropped to my hands, to the ugly, livid bruises across my fingers. I could never—not in any lifetime—hurt Noel. Or anyone who didn’t really fucking deserve it. Meeting Mom’s gaze, I slowly nodded.
“Then go get her before it’s too late.”
Throat thick, I nodded. I just had one stop to make first.
TWENTY-NINE
NOEL
Waking up to an empty room was a cold slap in the face. Was it…over, then? Our little charade? Our brief glimpse at something more? Had it all been in my head? I should go home, draw Eric’s attention back away from the Rhodes, keep the fight in my own damn backyard. Should’ve stood my ground.
The little Noel who’d never given up, no matter how far into the back of my brain I shoved her, seemed to clear her throat. Raised a hand, like she needed permission to speak.
They say when you die that your life replays in an elaborate slideshow of highs and lows. What nobody talks about is the way grief, transition, or uncertainty can orchestrate the same experience. Jameson’s face through that window, me clumsily spilling coffee down his jeans, a jar of sea glass, the earth-shattering sensation of kissing him on the docks. My soul echoed the low rumble of his laughter when I said something outrageous, painted a picture of the primal hunger in his eyes when he came…
Jamesonplayed like a film reel in my head.
And that little Noel—the one that clung to dangerous things like hope—told me I had imagined nothing. Blinking the ache from my eyes, I peeled myself from his bed. Best to pray she was right, but prepare myself for what it would look like if she wasn’t.
My first action item had been to layer coverup over the rings under my eyes, then paint on makeup fit for a wedding to hide the fact that I was currently dead inside. I got dressed and packed up my things. The little Noel stomped her foot and muttered epithets while logic argued that Jameson had moved me in here to protect me and if our ruse was moot…well, I’d just be in the way. He was just being protective, and I’d gotten sucked into the magnificent undertow of touches and laughter. Lost track of the purpose along the way, even as he warned me he didn’t do relationships and told me smart girls knew better. But…
Whatever had started this…I loved him. Ilovedhim…and he’d gotten hurt because ofme.
He hadn’t said a word last night, my chest aching with the burden I’d brought to his doorstep. A burden that belonged with me.
