Page 76 of Poems He Wrote


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Next time start with that. I almost had a heart attack.

As I start typing, my phone rings, Tiana’s name flashes over the screen and I pick up. It’s been a while since we talked. I miss her.

29

The Only Exception - Paramore

Ronan

A week has passed so quickly I almost have a whiplash from it. Our shelter is doing more than great. We have almost no animals left, which means they are all in loving families now.

Maria and I are starting to swim into the deep waters, enjoying each other’s company and talking about life. Even Matilda hung out with us a few times.

Everything is almost perfect. Everything but Noah. He is a bit distant, which has me worried. This morning he walked out of the apartment without even saying goodbye. He looked so lost. I honestly don’t know what happened.

I am going over everything in my head, but I can’t pinpoint a moment where I might have made a mistake that would cause him to build up the walls. There is no way that he could’ve found out about me, so it’s not that either.

I try calling him once again, but the line goes dead. It’s almost seven in the evening, which means I will be free to go look for him in an hour. I don’t even know how many times I’ve texted or called. The answering machine lady must be sick and tired of me by now.

The rain is pouring, the streets look like they are actually rivers, and there is not a single person to be seen. If there was, I bet they would be swimming. It’s getting dark, and my nerves are slowly getting the best of me. I need to know if he is safe. At this point, I don’t even care if he is with someone else, I just need to know that he is safe. That would be enough for me.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I answer it as soon as I see Jensen’s number.

“Hey, Jensen! What’s up?”

“Hey, gorgeous. Nothing much, just looking for Noah.”

“Oh…well… I didn’t hear from him the whole day. He snuck out of the apartment this morning, and his phone has been off since then.” I say, concern taking over my body.

“That’s what I thought,” he sighs. “He is always like that on mom’s birthday, but I thought this year would be different since he has you.”

“Mom’s birthday? That’s today?” I check the calendar hanging on the wall above my desk. October twenty-third, today’s his mom’s birthday, and I didn’t know.

Stupid. That’s what I am. Stupid.

He isn’t cheating, he is grieving.

“Yeah. I thought he told you,” he whispers into the phone. “I guess not.”

“He didn’t tell me the exact date.” I feel like a complete asshole now. “I knew it was close. I am sorry, Jensen.”

I knew, but it never once crossed my mind to actually check. To confirm. To be there for him. I should’ve done better.

“He would be at the cemetery near the woods. There is a stone crow on our mom’s grave, you can’t miss it. In case you want to check on him.”

“Thank you. Are you okay, Jensen?” I ask, even though I can already hear in his voice that he is barely holding on.

“No. But to be honest, I am never okay.” I can hear him shrug. “I have to go now. Let me know if you find him.”

“Sure, thank you for telling me.”

The call ends right on time for me to lock the shelter up. I have never in my life been quicker. I walk to my car, but rowing a boat to it would’ve been a better option. My shoes are full of water, my pants are wet, and I have a plastic bag over my head, to guard me from the rain.

When I finally find an umbrella under the seat, I enter the car, which immediately fogs up. I change my clothes, thanking the universe I always keep a period bag in the back seat, and also for nobody being there to witness this catastrophe.

The ride to the cemetery is rather bumpy. Half of the town is out of electricity so the street lights are off and it’s super dark, but thankfully the graveyard seems to have not been hit by the power outage.

I park the car, grab my umbrella and start slowly walking down the narrow road between the graves. It’s not scary, but an eerie feeling takes over me. Like I am disturbing their sleep. Not far from the back gates, I see a grave with a stone crow on it, and a man kneeling in the mud in front of it.

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