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The hours after the new year disappear as quickly as bubbles melt in a bubble bath. Nora went to her own bed around 1 am. Liam fell asleep in my bed not long after that. As tired as I am, I can’t sleep. My brain won’t let me.
The sun rises, letting warm light peep through the blinds on my window. I can see the dust floating around through the slivers of sunshine and my focus fixes on how many particles are suspended in the air right now, silently drifting around my room.
I might need some sleep. Obsessing over dust particles has to be a sign of sleep deprivation, or insanity. Either could be true.
Liam stirs next to me. When his eyes open, his head immediately jerks up to make sure I’m still here. When he finds me sitting in my armchair next to my dressing table, he exhales loudly and drops his shoulders.
I give him an empty laugh. “I’m still here,” I spit out, not meaning it to sound as harsh as it does, but I don’t have the energy to take it back.
Liam sits up, his t-shirt crumpled, and his hair is pushed to one side where he slept like the dead on his face. I’ve never understood how people can sleep on their fronts. It looks so uncomfortable.How do you even breathe?
“Did you sleep at all?” Liam’s voice is raspy.
I shrug, avoiding his stare. “I wanted to see the first sunrise of the new year.”
It’s mostly the truth.
Silence fills the room and I find myself fixated on those stupid dust particles again.
“Come here.” Liam pats the bed next to him.
I stand, dropping the blanket from my waist, without really noticing my movements, like a soldier in a line up being told to move because someone demands it. I sink under the covers next to Liam and he immediately pulls me in towards him. The feel of his warm body behind my back is soothing, but it also makes me want to cry.
God, is this just my personality now? Eternally sad girl.
Liam peppers soft kisses across my shoulder until he reaches the nape of my neck. It feels good, like he’s caressing something deeper than my skin. My body sinks further into his as his arms tighten around me. He’s holding me tight enough that it makes me feel like I might fall into a million pieces if he tries to let me go. I grip onto his arm wrapped around my middle, anchoring myself to him.
“I’m here,” he whispers against my skin, as if he can sense my inner turmoil.
That’s all it takes for the damn to break. Heart wrenching sobs escape my mouth, my chest stuttering on each exhale and howling for each inhale. My fingers dig deeper into Liam’s arm, as my body tries to curl in on itself, but he doesn’t let me go, wrapping himself around me, holding me together.
We stay twisted together until my sobs ease and my heart rate keeps a steady rhythm again. I wipe my tears with the backs of my hands, and turn to face him. His face is framed by the sunlight darting into the room, and if it’s possible, it makes him look even more handsome.
I trail my fingers across his jaw, feeling the slight scar on his chin from when he fell out of a tree when we were fourteen. I dust across his high cheekbones and smooth over the soft hair of his eyebrows. I trace the slope of his nose. It’s regal and perfect as I tap the end of it, earning myself a soft smile from him. His eyes are swarming with more green than brown this morning like they’re in motion, the colours gliding over one another like a settling snow globe.
My fingers draw an outline of his lips, whispering across his Cupid's bow and pinching the plumpness of his bottom lip before I quickly wrap my hand in his hair and pull him to me, sealing us together.
His arms instantly wrap around my back, holding me, pushing me further into him. My body ignites like a lighter, fire pumping through my veins, desperate for him to touch me more than he ever has before. There’s a dull ache in between my legs that I can’t ignore. It throbs and screams for him, as he gently nips and sucks my lower lip.
The noise that falls from my mouth is full of desire for him. I need him closer. I need him to touch me. I need him now.
Hiking my leg around him, I tug him on top of me and he moves willingly, pinning me under his warm body. I can feel every hot, hard inch of him against me and it makes my eyes roll into my head. I am lust, I am dust floating around searching for a surface to settle on and he is my surface, my anchor.
Liam breaks our kiss. “Jess… I…” he pants, flicking his eyes between my wild ones.
I’m not sure if he is hesitating or asking me what I want, so I answer for him without ever hearing the question.
“I need you.” I rasp against his mouth. The feeling pooling between my legs for him is consuming me, making me writhe underneath him.
He searches my face for something, but I know all he’ll find is my need for him. He kisses me lightly, tentatively, before he grinds himself against my core, groaning against my mouth as he does. My nerve endings zing all over my body as he rubs against my clit, just as I roll my hips into him, searching for more.
He moves his hands to my breast, where he palms it gently before flicking my hardened nipple. His hot mouth trails kisses down to the same nipple as he sucks it through the fabric of my t-shirt, making my mouth fly open and my body buck beneath him. The sensation of his mouth on me is making me dizzy as I fist his hair in my hands, wanting to pin him there against me.
I remove my hands and he hovers over the top of me, pausing briefly before dragging his hands between my breasts and smoothing his thick fingers over my shorts, the heat in his eyes stirring something deep inside me as he rubs over the fabric. It’s not nearly enough, it’s a light touch compared to what my body seeks.
I lift up and claw at his shoulders, silently begging him for more. When he moves his hands away from my apex my body relaxes briefly before I move my hands between us, fumbling with the drawstring of his jogging bottoms, eager to feel him against me. He keeps his body hovering over me as I push the material down his legs, trailing my fingers slowly back over his tense thighs. His arms shake beside my head as he kicks off his joggers. When I drag my fingers to the waistband of his boxers and run them along the soft skin there, he hisses in approval.
Just as I’m about to dip my hand lower, he stops me and his eyes lock onto mine. “Jess… I think… should we… I mean… it’s not that I don’t…”
