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“I had that nightmare again.” I rub my face, trying to wipe away my dream.
“You haven’t had one in a while; do you want to talk about it?” Nora pulls the pillow and tucks it under her chin.
“I don’t know, it was just the same as always.”
“I think maybe seeing Liam again made you think about the past.”
“Probably.” I shrug it off, not feeling like going over everything, especially given the way he left so quickly last night.
“You don’t have to talk about it right now, but you should consider bringing it up to your therapist again. She’ll help. But for the sake of my profession, I have to say I can tell you’re shutting down right now and I need you to remember that you aren’t the reason she left, okay?”
I knew she was right, but believing it has always been hard for me. The two people that I had loved the most were no longer in my life, and that’s something I’ve been learning to overcome. Therapy helps, but when things happen that feel out of my control, like seeing Liam last night, then I struggle. I’m envious of Alex getting to take Liam home, even though I have no right to be feeling that. I’m still reeling and adjusting from seeing him at all and filtering through the emotions that are linked to him and my mum… it’s just a lot sometimes.
I turn to face Nora, knowing I need to give her a reply or she’ll lock me in this room until I crack. “I know, but I’m trying here. I don’t know how you’re so calm all the time. Teach me your ways, oh wise one, but do it after breakfast, ‘kay?” I fake a smile at her and leave the confines of the cosy bed, favouring a shower instead.
I know I’m quiet during breakfast. The beady eyes of my family assessing me tell me as much, but I just need a minute to process some thoughts. I’m on my second cup of coffee, and it doesn’t seem to be shifting the haze left from an awful night’s sleep.
My eyes sting as I stare into space and the only thing that breaks my trance is my phone ringing as the screen lights up telling me ‘Lover boy’ is calling.
God, stupid nicknames. I’d forgotten he was saved in my phone. What are the chances that we’d both have the same numbers as ten years ago?
“Hi,” I answer quickly as I duck away from the table.
“Good morning. How did you sleep?” His voice is rough like sandpaper. It sounds like he’s just waking up and it should be illegal to sound so sexy this early.
“Yeah, okay, I guess. I’m just having breakfast with Nora, Cam and Harriett. Can I call you later?”
“Oh, okay, sure. Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude.” He sounds deflated.
“You aren’t. I just. Shit. Okay, I’m grumpy this morning. I didn’t sleep very well and I’m a bit of a bear when that happens.”
His guffaw carries through the phone a little too loudly. “I definitely remember, I also remember snarky Jess and hangry Jess.—she really didn’t like me—but you don’t poke the Jess-bear in the mornings.”
“Wow, you really make me sound like a dream,” I chortle sarcastically.
“Ooh, snarky Jess. Okay, well, I can handle you. I can help make you feel better if you want? I know a great milkshake hut that might help. It’s no Sam Shake’s, but it’s really good.”
I pause, my teeth latching onto my cheek.
“What is this, Liam?”
Another pregnant silence drips over the conversation.
“I-I’m confused,” I admit, urging the conversation on.
“About what, Scotty?” he asks innocently.
“Last night. You. Alex. Dance. ‘Hey Scotty,you’re beautiful.’ Walk off into the distance. Close curtains.”
“I think your Liam impression needs work.” He pauses, taking in a breath. “But in all seriousness, that’s why I called.”
“Okay…”
“Last night was amazing.”
“O-kay.” My brows meet in the middle and my nose scrunches up in confusion.
“I don’t want to wait another ten years to see you.”
