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I need to run. I need to move, but as I turn to stumble back to the front foyer, Liam’s voice filters into my reality.
“Jess?” His face pales when he sees me. “What are you doing here?” he asks with an unusual shrill in his voice.
I try to get words to form in my brain, but all I can manage is a string of vowels and consonants that don’t make any sense. I don’t know what they were talking about, but I want to know… or do I?
When Liam steps closer, I step backwards until my back bumps into something else. Someone else.
My body shakes as I swirl around, an apology on the tip of my tongue, but it dries up fast. My skin goes cold and clammy when I focus on the storm clouds blurring in her eyes and her untamed brown hair wisping around her face.
Mum.
She looks older. Obviously. It’s been ten fucking years. But she looks… weathered. As though it isn’t just age that’s made her skin sallow and wrinkly.
I hadn’t expected to see her here. I’m not prepared.
What the hell am I supposed to do?As much as I told Liam I wanted to find her, I want it to be on my terms and my heart hasn’t had time to prepare. My pulse quickens at the thought of bolting out of the door I came through, but I’m rooted in place, staring at her, wishing this was all just another bad dream.
My eyes flick around the space that suddenly feels emptier somehow. I glance at the end office, Liam’s office, officially abandoning my plans to wine and dine him tonight as I turn back to her face. Adrenaline pumps in my blood like lava when I remember that she is the one who abandoned me and left me without any parents all those years ago. My body shakes and tears prick at my eyes, but before I can let myself fall apart, I scramble towards the door.
“Jess, I can explain. Please just wait,” Liam cries, but I don’t stay to hear his explanation. Instead, I push past them both and burst through the door like a bat out of hell.
Outside, the world spins. I can’t remember which way is home. I don’t even know left from right, but I don’t care. I just need to keep moving. I duck around the side of the building, immediately out of view, in case anyone chases after me.
My body is filled with fire and ice, simultaneously melting and burning with rage as I wring my hands together to try and temper some of my nerves.
I see Liam rush out of the revolving doors, shouting profanities and running his hands through his hair. I know he said he could find her, but I didn’t think it would be that fast; I didn’t know exactly how he would find her, but she was there in his office. I feel guilty for running from him, but I panicked and I couldn’t face whatever that was. He grabs his phone, and I feel mine vibrate in my handbag, but I ignore it. Tears well in my eyes as I try to swallow them back, but it’s no good; they fall, one drop, then two, until my cheeks are wet and I have to cover my mouth to stop the sob that’s rising in my throat.
Eventually, he turns to go back inside and I slip from the side of the building and hail a taxi. I call Nora unable to hold back to sobs. I know I’m barely making sense, but she tells me to go straight home and she’ll meet me there.
The taxi driver pinches his brows, as he turns to look at me as I sob into my hands. “134 Victoria Park Avenue… please,” I manage to say. He pauses, a question ghosting his face, but I’m grateful when he silently drives away without asking anything.
When I pull up outside my house, the tears have dried a little. I apologise to the driver, pay him and he says something that I can’t hear because I’m already walking, hoping that behind the door will be my sanity, a time machine or maybe just a really big bottle of tequila.Yeah, tequila would work.
The chill from the outside follows me in, making my skin shiver. I wander aimlessly to the kitchen and grab said bottle of tequila to take the edge off my nerves. I swig it back, my eyes squeeze closed at the burn from the warming liquid, but I shake it off and walk into the living room. Just as I’m about to take another swig, I hear the front door open and close.
“Jess?” Nora shouts.
“In here.”
Nora comes bustling through the hallway and into the living area where I’m slumped on the sofa. “Honey,” she says sympathetically, before taking the tequila and pulling me into a hug.
I burst into tears again, letting them fall freely and messily down my cheeks and onto Nora’s shoulder. It feels like hours pass before I can gain any sense of composure. Sobs still threatening to start the whole ordeal again.
“Liam called me.” Her words snap me back to the moment. “He told me everything.”
“What, what did he say? You know more than me, I’m guessing, because… I ran.”
Nora gives me a look that I know all too well is her, silently chastising me for running rather than talking. She doesn’t press it but instead tells me everything Liam told her.
“He told me that your mum has been working in his father’s company for the last few months. Her job only just became permanent. She’s clean. He said she has been for years now. This afternoon, Liam was fighting with his dad about the fact that Claire had said she wasn’t sure if seeing you was a good idea.” She sighs deeply. “Please don’t be mad at Liam, Jess. He’s tried to keep you from getting hurt in all this.”
“I’m still hurt though… and confused. I told him in Paris that I wanted to find her, and he said he could help. I didn’t once think that meant he could find her on his payroll. I thought he meant he knew a guy. God… I’m such an idiot.”
“No, you’re not. And neither is he. He’s not to blame here. I think… I think Claire pushed them not to say anything. Liam said he needs to talk to you about something else, too. He wouldn’t tell me.”
“I-I need a minute before that happens.”
Nora nods. “Don’t be mad at Liam for this… please. He was so upset when I spoke to him.”
