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“Listen, though: if it does so happen that she gets cranky while we’re here and she isn’t happy to see us anymore, it won’t be your fault at all.Not at all.She’s just sick—not the kind of sick that will makeyousick, but—well, she’s—it’s—”
The look he turns on me says he isn’t sure how to explain Alzheimer’s to a kid.
I touch Rae’s shoulder now and give it a go.
“It’s her brain that’s not healthy,” I say gently. “She’s…she’s been a grown-up for a long time, and her brain is tired. It happens to a lot of people.”
Landon flashes me a grateful smile and then tells her, “Yeah, that’s it. She used to be a really, really nice lady, but now her brain is so tired that she isn’t always able to be happy. Sometimes it gets hard to be around her, and it can happen really fast, so I want you to know that if it happens this time, it won’t be anybody’s fault. Itdefinitelywon’t be because of you or your crafts. Okay? I promise.”
Rae nods. “Okay.”
“Okay.” He stands up and ushers us toward the entrance. “Let’s go up, then.”
On the way in, I notice how fidgety he is. He keeps rubbing his hands on the sides of his jeans, then scratching the back of his neck, then cracking his knuckles.
When we spot the elevators, Rae runs ahead to call one of them, so I ask him quietly, “Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I—I just really don’t want Lolly to have one of her freak-outs. Even though we talked to Rae about it, I don’t want you guys to see that. It’s so scary, Liv. I mean, not thatLollyis scary—I just mean—you know—”
“I know, yeah. It’s scary to see her turn into someone she’s not.”
He sighs. “Exactly. And she wasn’t in a very good mood the last two days, or even this morning, so that’s why I didn’t call you sooner. What if she isn’t doing well tonight after all?”
“It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be fine.”
Another sigh is all the response he gives.
Just as we reach Rae, the elevator on her right opens, so we all step in. Landon presses the button for the fourth floor, and I notice he only grows more nervous as we go up. By the time we’re stepping off, he looks so unsettled that it bears mentioning again.
“Landon,” I begin.
It’s all I get out before he’s speaking in a breathless rush: “Amanda never, ever, ever came to visit Lolly with me, and it used to piss me off—and hurt my feelings, to be honest—but now I’m wondering if it was better that way because, Liv, I’m going to feelso horribleif we get in there and—”
“Okay, no,” I cut him off. “Stop walking and look at me.”
He huffs out a breath as he obeys me.
I check that Rae is still in sight—she’s approaching a nearby nurse with shy compliments on her colorful uniform.
Then I tell him more quietly, “It isnotokay that your girlfriend didn’t support you in this. She should have. And I already told you Rae and I are going to be okay. Worst case scenario, we’ll drop off the art and leave again, so don’t worry about us.” My voice falls to an earnest whisper. “Believe me, nothing that can happen in there could be worse than what she and I have lived through. We will be okay.Everythingwill be okay. Trust me.”
Although he’s frowning now, he doesn’t look angry. He looks like he’s wondering if he can, indeed, trust what I’ve said.
I understand how he can doubt it. I prepare myself for being told to just go ahead and leave now; he has the right to change his mind about this visit, and he may do it.
But no.
He’s choosing to believe me—I know it even before he says so. His frown isn’t going away, but it’s easing up, and his muscles are visibly relaxing.
He blows out a breath, and so do I.
“You rock,” he says.
I shrug. “I’m okay.”
“No, yourock.” He rubs his hands together. “Whew, all right. Let’s get to it, then, huh? I’m dying to know what Rae wrote in that card.”
I gesture forward. “It’s pretty great. Lead the way.”
