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He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “Of course.”
Chapter 12
Pots and pans banging together, cabinet doors slamming, boots stomping on the hardwood. These were the sounds that woke me the following Saturday. It was so unusual for Kyle to be noisy in the morning that I knew something was wrong before I got out of bed.
As I descended the stairs, he leaped up from his recliner and stalked toward me. “What the hell is this?” He waved a sheet of paper above his head.
I couldn’t see it, but I knew exactly what it was by the tone of his voice: the check stub from my 401(k) withdrawal. I had hidden it in the glove box of my SUV so he wouldn’t see it.
“How did you get that?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“What were you doing in my car?”
“That’s not the issue.”
I tried to walk past him, but he grabbed my arm, pressing his fingers so hard into my skin that I was sure they would leave marks. “You’re hurting me.”
He winced as he released me and stepped back. I knew he wasn’t trying to harm me. That wasn’t who he was. The only time I had ever seen him violent was when he checked someone while playing hockey. Before we’d started trying to have a baby, Kyle never got angry with me. Even the time I’d backed the car through the garage door, he had beenperplexed, not mad. “I just don’t understand how you ... how that could have happened,” he’d said, scratching his head but careful not to judge me, though clearly it was an idiotic thing to do.
Now, he took a deep breath in and slowly released it. “I can’t believe you lied to me. This whole thing has changed you into someone I don’t even recognize anymore. Someone I don’t like.” His face glistened with perspiration, or maybe it was disappointment oozing from his pores.
“I knew it was the only way you’d agree to try again.”
“It’s going to take us years to get out of the debt we’re already in. I won’t have you sacrificing our retirement.”
“We could just as easily lose that money if the market crashes. Let’s put it to good use for one last time.”
“There’s not going to be another time.” The veins in his neck bulged as he inched closer to me. “It’s over!” He shredded the stub into tiny pieces, cocked his arm like he was going to fling them at me, but thought better of it and dropped them to the ground. “Even if we win millions in Powerball, I wouldn’t do another cycle. I can’t have a baby with someone I can’t trust.”
Later that day, when I left to have lunch with Sharon, I noticed the salt and sludge had been washed off my car, the water bottles that littered the passenger seat were gone, the interior had been vacuumed and polished, and my gas tank was full. Damn, Kyle had been doing something nice for me when he came across the check stub. I always ruined whatever momentum we built.
I wanted to run back in the house to thank him for his kindness, but he had left while I was in the shower. I glanced toward the corner of the garage where he kept his hockey gear, but the equipment wasn’t there. Even though his game wasn’t until this evening, he’d taken it with him, so clearly he planned to stay out and avoid me for the rest ofthe day. This realization made my heart ache, as I remembered the days Kyle had hated being away from me even for an hour on weekends, insisting I come to the rink and watch his games. I enjoyed seeing him play, too, witnessing an aggressive side to my mild-mannered husband. Now if I wanted to see that aggressive side, all I had to do was open my mouth.
Chapter 13
Sharon waited for me in a booth at the back of the restaurant. Unlike how she usually was when I saw her, she wasn’t in mom mode. Instead of her trademark messy ponytail, her hair hung past her shoulders and curled. Concealer hid the dark circles and bags that often punctuated her eyes, and she wore an argyle sweater instead of a baggy sweatshirt. I expected Noah and Cameron to be sitting next to her, pushing toy cars across the table, but to my surprise, she sat alone. “Where are my favorite boys?” I asked, removing my jacket and hanging it on the hook.
“I left them with Rick so we could talk. You sounded upset when you called.”
“Yeah, Kyle and I had a huge fight. He found the check stub in my car.”
Sharon tilted her head. “What check stub?”
A waitress walked by with a plate of chicken wings. I could practically taste how spicy they were by their strong scent. My eyes even watered. “The check from my 401(k) withdrawal. I told you. I took it so we can do a fourth round.”
“You didn’t tell me that. If you had, I would have told you it’s a terrible idea.”
I forced a smile. “Do you have a better one?”
She pulled her chin toward her chest and bit down on her lower lip. I had seen her do the same thing countless times through the years,always right before she said something I didn’t want to hear and she usually regretted saying. “Let’s look at the menu.”
We were at the Stapleton Tavern, where we had been coming for years. Sharon always ordered the barbecue-pulled-pork sandwich, and I got the grilled-chicken-salad wrap. Every single time. Still, she studied the menu like she had never been here before, so I knew that whatever she was about to say, she was thinking of the least offensive way to word it.
A group of teenagers done with a morning ski run sat down at the table next to ours. One of the kids removed his hat, revealing a mop of chocolate-brown hair that reminded me of Kyle’s. I studied the boy’s face. Like Kyle, he had a cleft chin and large puffy lips, but his eyes were dark like mine.Our son will look like him,I thought.
“Nikki!” By how loud Sharon said my name, I realized she’d been trying to get my attention for a while. “Do you know him?”
