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“As we kept connecting, I knew the day would come when we’d need to rehash the past. But being on a phone call or FaceTime wasn’t the way I wanted to broach the subject. So I had gone into this weekend knowing we would have to lay everything out. I feared what you’d say, and, in many ways, I feared how upset I would get in return. To feel you leave me again was dreadful. The more we spoke, I insinuated in ways with our conversation, giving you that space to bring her up, but when you didn’t press further, I thought you weren’t ready to talk about Liv.” She sighs and I can tell all of this is still surreal for her.
I kiss the top of her head.
“I am so sorry you lived even a minute thinking I would abandon you. There is nothing I can do about the trajectory that letter took our lives on, but I can promise now you aren't alone anymore. I’m here, in whatever way you and Olive might need me. I won’t be going anywhere. You’re stuck with me, baby.”
When she turns her head toward me, I smile and wink, getting her smile in return. A hew of pink colors Becca’s cheeks and she seems shy all of a sudden. I give her a kiss, which deepens as I move her to lie down on the couch. My sweet Becs lets me consume her, stealing kisses against her lips and down her neck. She giggles and moves her hands through my hair.
Feeling reconnected to the one person who brightened my life for so long in my past has proven to be the biggest link that was missing in my life. I have been absent for too long, and I will not waste another minute walking away from the women I love because now my heart belongs to two instead of one.
ChapterThirty-One
REBECCA
Present Day
The next morning, I wake up before Shane and decide to head downstairs to grab some coffee to bring up to bed for us. While letting Betty out to take care of business, I hear footsteps approaching. When I look over, I find Olive walking into the kitchen, seemingly still trying to wake up. She sees me standing at the back door and quickly greets me with a kiss on the cheek.
“Good morning, Mom. Is there coffee?”
She yawns, stretching her arms above her head. I smile toward my girl and ask her to watch over Betty in the backyard while I grab her favorite pod of Nespresso and get something brewing for her. Once my pup is back in the house, Liv pulls out one of the barstools at the kitchen island and waits for her morning fix. She tries to cuddle Betty, but my lap dog wants nothing to do with that trait her breed is known for. She is very independent and would much rather nap in a corner of the room you’re in, than hang out in your arms.
The moment I put the coffee down in front of Liv, she takes a big whiff, closing her eyes and enjoying that moment right before she takes her first sip. I still stand in awe of my girl. She’s come so far and yet has so much life to live still. She finally looks up after enjoying that first sip, asking a question I knew would come my way sooner rather than later.
“So, are you and Shane together now?”
She isn’t judgmental in her inquiry. I can tell by her tone she is simply curious about where this relationship is going.
“Yes, I would say we are. He’s always been a person I’ve loved, and something has come alive again with him back in my life,” I respond honestly as I brew my own cup of coffee.
I go to grab my mug and turn back to look at her.
“But I know that this is a huge change for you, and I also need to consider the twins and how this will impact their lives as well.”
Liv nods, taking in what I’m saying.
“I thought a lot about it last night when I went to bed, Mom. I have watched you my entire life, navigating so many things to ensure that everyone around you was happy. Even when you were with Hudson, I could see that you gave a lot of yourself to that relationship, but I don’t know if you were always happy per se. But when I saw you yesterday, especially after the truth came out about that letter, I saw your layers peeled back. I saw you smile, as if it was for the first time. You look at Shane like he has given you a new purpose in this life. I feel your love radiate off you when you’re in the room with him.”
I try to interject because I want her to understand I never felt anything but happy when I was with her, Mallory, and Jackson. She puts her hand up, stopping me before any sound comes out of my mouth.
“I know, Mom. You weren’t miserable. I know that. It never came off that way. But I can now see, you lived life with a little less color surrounding you. I just feel like you may have been telling yourself that you were okay with the way things had turned out, but having the reassurance that Shane loved you this entire time has sparked something in you. And for that, I am so incredibly happy to see this flourish between you two. You deserve that kind of love.”
I smile and I can’t help the tears from falling. She was always my little life support, keeping me steady through the years. But she’s also been so observant while I tried to carry us toward balance and peace. It seems I accomplished that for her, but maybe a part of me just never felt truly grounded without Shane. Sometimes we don’t notice the impact a person has on our life until they return to steady us. Shane was always my rock and since he left, my foundation had been shaken. But his return stopped the aftershocks, and I couldn’t disregard the love my heart held for him.
We hang out in the kitchen, my desire to bring coffee up to bed lost as I continue to chat with my eldest, laughing about some of the dates she’s been on recently. Apparently, one guy talked about a woman named Roxy for hours. Liv thought it was his ex-girlfriend, but in a twist, she found out it was his pet parrot that he had to get rid of due to his landlord. That one had me laughing to the point of tears. Poor Liv has not had much luck in the love department but has definitely entertained me with some interesting dates she has experienced.
Soon enough, I hear footsteps coming down the stairs. We both stop with the dating talk when we see Shane walk in, looking amazing as always. I can’t stop staring at his movements.
“Mom, here’s a napkin. I think there’s drool dripping from your mouth. Side note: gross. That’s my dad and I’m still taking this whole situation in,” Liv says, her little slip-up getting my full attention, despite my apparent drool over my first love.
Shane stops in his tracks. This was the first time Liv had addressed him as Dad, even though it wasn’t directly aimed at him, necessarily. We both look at her and she looks at us like we are ridiculous.
“What? He is my dad, right?” She looks at both of us. “Stop staring. It will take some time to get used to, but why fight it?”
She looks toward Shane.
“Is it okay if I address you as Dad?”
She’s so formal as she asks this but has a huge smile across her face. He’s still standing there. I don’t even know if he’s breathing. I snap my fingers to get him out of his trance, and he finally blinks a few times. I smile because I can see the pride radiating off his features.
